The Alleged News®

The recent shooting of a health care magnate on the streets of New York furthers the argument that the Gilded Age is back—in full force. Any 19th century anarchist would immediately recognize Brian Thompson’s killing as a case of what’s called “propaganda of the deed.” These were violent acts meant to show the broader public that, while the prevailing political and economic systems might have been powerful and omnipresent, they were not omnipotent. A greater goal for these attacks was to spark a widespread insurrection; their consistent failure to achieve that end no doubt helps to account for their gradual decline. Until recently, anyway. It’s …

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The City Loses Another Suit Judge Chase handed down his decision in the suit of John E. Rider vs. the city on Tuesday and ordered that the claim of the ex-alderman be paid. Emery and Hatch for Rider, Page for the city. There still remains one suit for the city to lose, that for the payment of the south-end fountain and we should advise the city to settle that at once. Every law suit into which the city has been drawn during the past two yearts has been lost and it seems as if our legal advice was proving rather costly for our tax-payers. Police …

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Portsmouth, Nov. 3, 1892 This is the last issue of the Gazette to reach our readers before the presidential election. … no man who loves his country… can hesitate about voting the republican ticket, both national and state. … If unworthy local candidates have been put in nomination, it is also the duty of loyal republicans to reject them for the future good of the party. … The nomination of Henry W. Blair for Congress in the first congressional district is not to the credit of the republican party, and his past record is not such as to hold out any hope that he will …

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Ex-President and current Republican nominee Donald J. “Jazz Hands” Trump dazzled a spellbound audience at a town hall event near Philadelphia. Hardly speaking for about half an hour, instead he showed off his “hip” and “with-it” dance moves, to the sound of the immortal gay anthem, “Y.M.C.A.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Unkind partisans wondered whether the cavalry had arrived, in the form of a cerebrovascular event. The Showman-in-Chief’s fancy footwork distracted the media from another event, in Greeley, Pa., where Sean “Bullethead” Moon’s Rod of Iron Ministries was holding a Freedom Festival. Among the featured speakers was Trump’s former National Security Advisor, …

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Citizens and journalists alike, we live in chaos by design. For a decade, the coalition of grifters and politicians who seem to dominate our politics and culture have deployed Generaloberst Steve Bannon’s strategy of “flooding the zone with shit” so successfully that news stories which once would have been on everyone’s lips now go unremarked. That’s why we’ve been asking The Google about the phrase “$10 million.” We were immediately introduced to “a 19-year-old British garbage man [who in 2002] won 10 million pounds (approx $15 million) on the lottery. He spent it all on drugs, gambling and prostitutes and 8 years later was back …

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