Volume 268 | No. 26

2019—A solid gold toilet is stolen from Winston Churchill’s birthplace. 2008—At his gym, Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld gets punched in the face by a complete stranger. 2005—At the UN, during the World Summit, the Leader of the Free World passes a note to his Secretary of State saying, “I think I may need a bathroom break. Is that possible?” 2001—In Manhattan, standing in rubble his failure helped to create, George W.[MD] Bush fatuously declares that America’s “responsibility to history” is to “rid the world of evil.” 2001—Barbara Lee [D-Calif.] casts the lone vote against letting George W.[MD] Bush do whatever he wants. 1964—LBJ pins …

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2010—After calling for civility in the Primary, ex-Gov. John H. Sununu tells the N.Y. Times, “I came in [as N.H. GOP Chair] to clean the vermin [Democrats] out, then I’ll leave.” 2005—Two weeks after the catastrophe, George W.[MD] Bush admits the Federal response to Hurricane Katrina was less than ideal. 2001—Reverend Jerry Falwell says “The ACLU’s got to take a lot of blame for [9/11].” Reverend Pat Robertson replies, “I totally concur.” 1981—William Loeb, alleged newspaperman, goes to his eternal torment. 1971—Staties blast Attica with 2,200 rounds in nine minutes; the dead include 29 prisoners and ten guards. 1971—In the Oval Office, Dick Nixon says …

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2008—Hank Paulson, ex-Goldman Sachs, tells Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers “No Fed $ for you.” 2001—George W.[MD] Bush tells Richard Clarke, his top counter-terror guy, “go back over everything, everything [to] see if Saddam did this.” Told it was al Qaeda, he says, “I know, I know but…see if Saddam was involved. … I want to know any shred.” 1996—Roger Stone is 86’d from Bob “Bob Dole” Dole’s “Clinton accountability team” when his ads for group sex partners become public. 1994—Frank E. Corder, 38, dies at 1:49 a.m., crash-landing a stolen Cessna on the White House grounds after a day-long beer and crack spree. 1983—Puerto …

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2016—The GOP nominee for President tweets “best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.” 2012—Benghazi!!! 2006—At Ground Zero, for a photo op, President Bush and the First Lady stand on an American flag carpet. 2001—Four American airliners are hijacked by Saudis and crashed; thousands die. George W.[MD] Bush scurries to safety, Donald Rumsfeld looks for excuses to attack Iraq, and Dick “Dick” Cheney authorizes the shooting down of civilian airliners. 1973—Salvador Allende, duly-elected President of Chile, is overthrown by CIA-backed thugs. 1957—A Denver H-bomb factory burns, releasing a pound of plutonium particles. The AEC, lying, says there’s only …

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2008—Lehman Brothers execs say the firm has all the capital it needs, five days before it declares bankruptcy. 2001—Donald Rumsfeld admits the Defense Department can’t account for about $2.3 trillion dollars. One day later, no one remembers—or cares. 1980—“Approximately eighty percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation,” says GOP candidate Ronald Reagan. 1977—One-legged Tunisian pimp Hamida Djandoubi is the last man to die by a French guillotine. 1969—The AEC fires off a nuke beneath Grand Valley, Colo., to “liberate large quantities of gas.” It works, but no one wants irradiated natural gas. 1945—In Fruita, Colo., Lloyd Wilson chops the head off …

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2013—Five days of chaos begin in Fort Lee, N.J., due to a suspicious, unannounced bridge closure. 2009—As President Obama addresses Congress, Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) yells at him, “You lie.” 2008—Lehman Bros., the nation’s fourth largest investment bank, loses 45 percent of its value. 2005—“You know,” says Glenn Beck, “it took me about a year to start hating the 9/11 victims families…When I see a 9/11 victim family on television…I’m just, like ‘Oh, shut up.’ ” 1999—Louis T. “Moondog” Hardin, American composer, street musician, and blind, Viking-helmet-wearing eccentric, dies at 83 in Germany. 1988—Dan Quayle, who got into law school via an “equal opportunity” program …

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