To the Editor:
Tucker Carlson and the folks at Fox News have taken up cooking and the current dish du jour appears to be Hungarian goulash. Guess we shouldn’t be surprised because, in a world where the U.S. is threatened by authoritarian regimes such as China, Russia, and North Korea, it only makes sense to fight fire with fire.
Really, we should not underestimate the appeal of a strong-man leader who possess the alacrity to leapfrog Congress, the electorate, and the courts in a single bound. These guys are decisive, agile, and able to get things done. It’s good to get things done long as the things getting done are good.
The problem with lightweight authoritarians like Hungary’s Victor Orban is they always morph into despots. Political power is like fentanyl. Once you’re hooked, it overtakes you. To quote a famous book title, Too Much is Never Enough.
So, all you high-school debaters, let’s state Tucker’s premise and let the wild rumpus begin:
“Hereby resolved, in a world dominated by dictatorial regimes, the United States should adopt authoritarian rule as a strategy to better preserve our heritage and remain competitive on the world stage.”
Possibly not the plan America’s founders had in mind, but if you’re white, male, paranoid, and all puffed up with self-entitlement, it has merits.
Your letter is a challenge. Our natural reaction to Tucker Carlson is to turn off whatever device is reminding us of his existence. Yet, here we are: duty calls.
A quick perusal of Wikipedia only serves to reinforce all our prejudices against the bow-tied buffoon. Kicked out of private school in Switzerland. Member of the “Dan White Society” in college—named, apparently, after a murderous homophobe. Rejected by the C.I.A. Became a journalist because his father told him, “they’ll take anybody.”
We’ll leave off here…we just can’t take anymore. As it is we know we’ll be plagued by nightmares in which we’re pelted with frozen Swanson TV Dinners—the Hungarian Goulash Special.