Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)
Mon, May 29
2020—A U.S. President, scared by a protest against a Minneapolis cop’s murder of George Floyd, hides for an hour in the White House bunker. 2017—A U.S. President asks an aide, at a Memorial Day observance, “I don’t get it. What was in it for them?” 2015—The Washington Post prints ex-Gov. John H. Sununu’s confession that…
Sun, May 28
2009—Jonathan Trappe crosses the English Channel suspended from a cluster of 54 multicolored balloons. 1987—W. German Mathias Rust, 19, lands a rented Cessna in Red Square. 1986—The DOE calls off its search for a site to dump high-level nuclear waste from power plants; southwestern N.H. had been a candidate. 1972—Third time’s a charm for Nixon’s…
Sat, May 27
2017—It’s the last “Last Call” at Portsmouth’s Coat of Arms. 1994—Charles Rodman Campbell does his best to dodge it, but Washington State’s hangman finally manages to get a noose around his neck. 1972—Nixon’s “Plumbers” fail a second time trying to break into Democratic National HQ at the Watergate. 1962—To clear an underground landfill, Centralia, Pa….
Fri, May 26
2020—Minneapolis says a suspect died after “suffering medical distress.” 2004—The NY Times admits that its pre-war Iraq coverage was “not as rigorous as it should have been.” 1989—Future Veep J. Danforth Quayle predicts, “We are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change.” 1972—Nixon’s “Plumbers” first effort to gain entry…
Thurs, May 25
2020—A white Minneapolis cop murders George Perry Floyd, Jr. 2007—As U. Mass. hands an honorary degree to Andrew Card, George W.[MD] Bush’s ex-Chief of Staff, students and faculty howl and boo. 1988—Evicted from his crypt, Peter Lawford’s ashes are scattered at sea; the National Enquirer covers the cost of the boat—none of his children will….
Wed, May 24
2005—“See,” mansplains G.W.[MD] Bush, “in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” 2000—Linda Tripp beats a wiretap rap. Because she’s a right wingnut, ignorance of the law is an excuse. 1989—Being killed by Texas…
Tues, May 23
2012—A mentally-unstable PNSY employee sets a fire that destroys the billion-dollar U.S.S. Miami. 1999—Wrestler Owen Hart drops 78 feet to his death in the ring; 15 minutes later, the show resumes. 1976—The Washington Post reports that Rep. Wayne L. Hays’ (D-Ohio) mistress, on his payroll at $14,000 a year, admits she “can’t type…can’t file, [and]…
Mon, May 22
2022—Southern Baptists reveal their leaders have been conspiring for years to protect hundreds of sex abusers. 2004—Portsmouth’s Leftist Marching Band debuts in Market Square. 1980—Jimmy Carter gives South Korean dictator Chun Doo Hwan the OK: use military force against civilians to “restore order” in Gwangju. 1977—Gun rights fanatic Harlon Carter takes over the NRA—46 years…
Sun, May 21
2016—In Houston, hundreds rally to support Islam. Hundreds more rally, armed, to oppose it. All have been duped by a Russian troll farm. 2001—GAO refutes the GOP: Dems didn’t vandalize the White House. 1981—The Senate OKs $20 billion to resume full-scale production of nerve gas and other chemical weapons. 1980—In Gwangju, Korea, students using weapons…
Sat, May 20
2009—The FBI entraps four Muslim men in a bogus Bronx bomb plot. 2004—U.S. and Iraqi troops raid the home and offices of Ahmed Chalabi, formerly the neo-cons’ most trusted source of Iraqi intelligence. 1978—Mavis Hutchinson, 53, makes New York City after running across America for 69 days. 1973—The Camden 28, who broke into a draft…
Fri, May 19
2017—Big game hunter Theunis Botha, 51, dies in Zimbabwe when an elephant shot by a client falls on him. 1956—A 15-megaton bomb test in the South Pacific raises radiation levels in the U.S. to 10 times normal. 1954—The U.S.P.O. OKs a CIA mail-opening project. 1953—Fallout from our dirtiest-ever nuke test, Upshot-Knothole Harry, hits St. George,…
Thurs, May 18
1992—The 27th Amendment, barring any Congress from raising its own pay, is ratified after a 202 year process. 1982—Sun Myung Moon, a Reverend, is now a convicted tax cheat, too. 1980—Korean students in Gwangju, protesting closure of their university, are beaten and shot by paratroopers. 1980—Mount St. Helens cuts loose for the first time in…
Wed, May 17
2017—Learning his election will be investigated for Russian involvement, President Trump says, “Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m (bleeped).” Sadly, no. 1987—Its weapons officer away from his duty station, its Phalanx gun operator absent “on personal business,” and its radar countermeasure system unarmed, the frigate U.S.S. Stark…
Tues, May 16
2017—Recep Tayyip Erdoğan watches two dozen goons attack protestors outside the Turkish Embassy in Washington, D.C. Four are arrested, but charges are then dropped. 2001—Ex-FBI Special Agent, devout Catholic, patron of strippers, and amateur exhibitionist Robert Hanssen is indicted for selling U.S. secrets to the U.S.S.R., then the Russians. 1974—Bill Harris, terrorist, is caught shoplifting…
Mon, May 15
2002—The White House admits it knew before 9/11 that al-Qaeda had plans to hijack U.S. airliners. 2001—Two engineers, in a locomotive, chase & stop an unmanned train full of hazardous chemicals rolling 66 miles across Ohio at high speeds. 1991—The Pentagon confirms: Manuel Noriega was on the CIA payroll. 1975—Some Marines retake the abandoned Mayaguez….
Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country, depending on whom you choose to believe.
The Piscataqua’s ferocious current is caused by the tide, which, in turn, is caused by the moon. The other player is a vast sunken valley — Great Bay — about ten miles upriver. Twice a day, the moon drags about seventeen billion gallons of seawater — enough to fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the river and into Great Bay. This creates a roving hydraulic conflict, as incoming sea and the outgoing river collide. The skirmish line moves from the mouth of the river, up past New Castle, around the bend by the old Naval Prison, under Memorial Bridge, past the tugboats, and on into Great Bay. This can best be seen when the tide is rising.
Twice a day, too, the moon lets all that water go. All the seawater that just fought its way upstream goes back home to the ocean. This is when the Piscataqua earns its title for xth fastest current. Look for the red buoy, at the upstream end of Badger’s Island, bobbing around in the current. It weighs several tons, and it bobs and bounces in the current like a cork.
The river also has its placid moments, around high and low tides. When the river rests, its tugboats and bridges work their hardest. Ships coming in laden with coal, oil, and salt do so at high tide, for more clearance under their keels. They leave empty, riding high in the water, at low tide, to squeeze under Memorial Bridge.