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Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)


Sun, Nov 3

1986—A Lebanese newspaper reveals that the U.S. has been selling arms to the Ayatollah’s regime in Iran. 1979—Communists are fired on by Klansmen and Nazis in Greensboro, N.C.. Five die and 11 are wounded, but three trials yield no convictions. 1973—A DC-10’s #3 engine explodes over New Mexico due to a flight crew’s unauthorized experiment….

Sat, Nov 2

2005—The Washington Post reveals that the CIA is “protecting democracy” by running a secret gulag. 2004—Warren Co., Ohio officials say a “terrorist threat” is why they’re counting votes behind locked doors. 2002—“We know he [Saddam Hussein] has chemical weapons,” says George W.[MD] Bush. [He doesn’t.] 2001—“Give war a chance,” writes the N.Y. Times’s Thomas L….

Fri, Nov 1

2003—N.H. Gov. Craig Benson [R.] welcomes the Free State Project. 2001—George W.[MD] Bush signs an Executive Order conveniently hiding his father’s misdeeds as Veep. 1981—TV is just “a toaster with pictures,” says FCC boss Mark Fowler. 1972—The Piscataqua Bridge opens. 1968—At My Tho, two limpet mines kill 26 aboard the USS Westchester County—the deadliest single…

Thurs, Oct 31

2016—Chris Sununu claims Democrats bus voters in from Mass, a lie quickly cribbed by Donald Trump. 1977—Carter’s new CIA boss, Stansfield Turner, fires 200 spooks. They all go meekly, with nary a thought of covert retaliation against Democrats. 1973—Ex-Veep Spiro Agnew pays a $10,000 fine for not paying taxes on the bribes he took while…

Wed, Oct 30

2018—Murderer and FBI informant “Whitey” Bulger’s corpse is found in his cell, its tongue nearly severed. Prison officials profess surprise. 2017—President Trump’s ex-campaign manager Paul Manafort and his associate Rick Gates are arrested on a slew of charges by the FBI. 2016—Sen. Harry Reid [D-Nev.] accuses FBI Boss James Comey of sandbagging the Clinton campaign…

Tues, Oct 29

2004—Osama bin Laden explains: 9/11 was retaliation for the U.S. backing Israel’s 1982 invasion of Lebanon. 1984—New York City policemen kill African American Eleanor Bumpurs, 66, with two rounds from a 12 gauge. She was behind in her rent. 1981—A British Parliamentarian asks Maggie Thatcher whether European governments were “free to veto [a] push on…

Mon, Oct 28

2022—Elon Musk buys Twitter; an online loon attacks the House Speaker’s husband with a hammer; there is no connection between these events. 2016—Disregarding advice from Justice Dept. lawyers, Director James Comey announces that the FBI has re-opened its investigation of the Democratic Presidential candidate 10 days before the election. 2003—Iraq is “a little tougher that…

Sun, Oct 27

1972—Richard Nixon pocket vetoes a bill which would have raised the veterans’ health care budget by $85 million. 1969—Richard Nixon sends 18 armed B-52s flying around the North Pole for three days to convince the Soviets he’s dangerously unstable. Duh. 1967—Father Philip Berrigan and three friends pour duck blood on draft records in Baltimore, Md….

Sat, Oct 26

2016—Bloomberg reports that Frederick Trump, Donald’s grandpa, once ran a brothel in British Columbia. 2010—Arizona kills Jeffrey Landrigan, using drugs imported illegally. 2003—Iraqi resistance fighters nearly get Deputy Defence Secretary Paul Wolfowitz with a rocket in Baghdad. 1972—Four years after helping to scuttle peace talks and get Richard Nixon elected, Henry Kissinger announces that “Peace…

Fri, Oct 25

2001—Only Sen. Russ Feingold votes “nay” on the “PATRIOT” Act. 1983—U.S. troops protect us (and distract from the deaths of 241 Marines in Beirut) by invading Grenada. 1978—In response to GOP malfeasance, FISA is enacted—thereby enabling future GOP malfeasance. 1973—Henry Kissinger, Alexander Haig, and other unelected officials raise America’s military readiness level to DEF CON…

Thurs, Oct 24

2012—George W.[MD] Bush is paid a $100K fee for speaking to troops wounded while following his orders. 2001—The U.S. House passes the PATRIOT Act without reading it. 1983—U.S. military aircraft, using old maps, bomb Richmond Hill Insane Asylum in Grenada, killing 16. 1963—In Dallas on UN Day, U.S. Ambassador to the UN Adlai Stevenson is…

Wed, Oct 23

2015—James Comey says criticism of the police is causing the rise of violent crime in cities. He offers no evidence for this assertion. 2015—Senator Ted Cruz [R-Texas] warns “one more liberal justice and they begin sandblasting and bulldozing veterans memorials.” 2013—Chancellor Angela Merkel calls the White House to complain about the NSA tapping her phone….

Tues, Oct 22

1987—At Yoken’s, Queens con man Donald Trump puts the flim-flam on a credulous Portsmouth Rotary Club. 1979—With an OK from Jimmy Carter, the Shah of Iran enters the U.S. for medical treatment, triggering chaos. 1968—To improve the odds of his election, Richard Nixon tells H.R. Haldeman to “monkey wrench” negotiations to end the Vietnam War….

Mon, Oct 21

1975—In the 12th inning, New Hampshire’s own Carlton Fisk waves the ball fair, and the Red Sox win Game 6 of the World Series. 1967—Yippies, Diggers, & Hippies try to levitate the Pentagon. They fail. 1966—A mountain of mine waste collapses onto a school in Wales, killing 28 adults and 116 children. 1965—Lyndon Johnson flashes…

Sun, Oct 20

2011—Libya’s ex-Brotherly Leader Muammar Ghadaffi is rudely dispatched by victorious rebels. 2005—Sen. Judd Gregg [R-N.H.] votes against increasing Federal home heating aid for the poor. 1990—Americans in 22 cities protest the impending Gulf War. 1983—Reagan inks the Conn. Indian Land Claims Settlement Act recognizing the Mashantucket Pequots. 1973—After A.G. Eliot Richardson and Deputy A.G. William…


Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country, depending on whom you choose to believe.

The Piscataqua’s ferocious current is caused by the tide, which, in turn, is caused by the moon. The other player is a vast sunken valley — Great Bay — about ten miles upriver. Twice a day, the moon drags about seventeen billion gallons of seawater — enough to fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the river and into Great Bay. This creates a roving hydraulic conflict, as incoming sea and the outgoing river collide. The skirmish line moves from the mouth of the river, up past New Castle, around the bend by the old Naval Prison, under Memorial Bridge, past the tugboats, and on into Great Bay. This can best be seen when the tide is rising.

Twice a day, too, the moon lets all that water go. All the seawater that just fought its way upstream goes back home to the ocean. This is when the Piscataqua earns its title for xth fastest current. Look for the red buoy, at the upstream end of Badger’s Island, bobbing around in the current. It weighs several tons, and it bobs and bounces in the current like a cork.

The river also has its placid moments, around high and low tides. When the river rests, its tugboats and bridges work their hardest. Ships coming in laden with coal, oil, and salt do so at high tide, for more clearance under their keels. They leave empty, riding high in the water, at low tide, to squeeze under Memorial Bridge.