Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)
Thurs, Sept 12
2008—Hank Paulson, ex-Goldman Sachs, tells Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers “No Fed $ for you.” 2001—George W.[MD] Bush tells Richard Clarke, his top counter-terror guy, “go back over everything, everything [to] see if Saddam did this.” Told it was al Qaeda, he says, “I know, I know but…see if Saddam was involved. … I want…
Wed, Sept 11
2016—The GOP nominee for President tweets “best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.” 2012—Benghazi!!! 2006—At Ground Zero, for a photo op, President Bush and the First Lady stand on an American flag carpet. 2001—Four American airliners are hijacked by Saudis and crashed; thousands die. George W.[MD] Bush…
Tues, Sept 10
2008—Lehman Brothers execs say the firm has all the capital it needs, five days before it declares bankruptcy. 2001—Donald Rumsfeld admits the Defense Department can’t account for about $2.3 trillion dollars. One day later, no one remembers—or cares. 1980—“Approximately eighty percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation,” says GOP candidate Ronald…
Mon, Sept 9
2013—Five days of chaos begin in Fort Lee, N.J., due to a suspicious, unannounced bridge closure. 2009—As President Obama addresses Congress, Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) yells at him, “You lie.” 2008—Lehman Bros., the nation’s fourth largest investment bank, loses 45 percent of its value. 2005—“You know,” says Glenn Beck, “it took me about a year…
Sun, Sept 8
2018—Secretary of the Army Mark Esper posts an anti-suicide message on Facebook. It features a photo of Army SSgt. Robert Bales, then doing life for murdering 16 Afghan civilians. 2002—The N.Y. Times publishes lies about tubes based on a White House leak; the White House cites that story as proof Iraq plans to build nukes….
Sat, Sept 7
2003—Warren Zevon sleeps. 2000—[“When I am President, we] will not have our veterans standing in line waiting for benefits that they’ve been promised,” George W.[MD] Bush falsely asserts. 1996—Two women walk into the Norfolk (Va.) Naval Base with a banner reading “Love Your Enemies.” They’re promptly arrested. 1988—“Today is Pearl Harbor Day,” says George H.[H.]W….
Fri, Sept 6
2010—Alabama prison officials ban the reading of a Pulitzer-winning history of Black forced labor. 2002—George W.[MD] Bush Chief of Staff Andy Card says, “From a marketing point of view, you don’t introduce new products [i.e., wars based on false premises] in August.” 1978—The U.S.House opens hearings on the assassinations of JFK & MLK. On Dec….
Thurs, Sept 5
2005—Barbara Bush says Hurricane Katrina was “working very well” for thousands of homeless refugees. 2002—Portsmouth loses Jay Smith, creator of the Press Room, Patron Saint of The Music Hall, &c. RIP. 1991—The D.C. home of Sen. Jesse Helms [R-N.C.] is covered by a giant condom, courtesy of ACT UP. 1990—Los Angeles Police Chief Darryl Gates…
Wed, Sept 4
2019—To prove that his Hurricane Dorian prediction was perfect, Donald J. Trump displays a fake map. 1992—Ex-South Vietnamese fighter pilot Ly Tong hijacks an Air Vietnam Airbus out of Bangkok. As it flies low and slow over Ho Chi Minh City, he drops revolutionary propaganda, then safely parachutes—but into captivity. 1976—George W.[MD] Bush is arrested…
Tues, Sept 3
2003—Because life is sacred, Florida poisons Paul Hill, who shotgunned Dr. John Britton and his bodyguard because life is sacred. Rinse & repeat. 1991—Locked doors, dead phones, and a lack of fire alarms kill 25 workers in a North Carolina chicken plant. 1971—As Richard Nixon speaks at a Milk Producers’ convention in Chicago, an aide…
Mon, Sept 2
1983—Mississippi’s execution of Jimmy Lee Gray goes poorly; executioner T. Berry Bruce is drunk. Officials clear the witness room after eight minutes, as Gray gasps, moans, and bangs his head on a steel pole. 1945—V-J Day—Japan surrenders to General “Dugout Doug” MacArthur aboard a battleship named after Pres. Harry S Truman’s home state. 1945—Cribbing freely…
Sun, Sept 1
2019—Meteorologist-in-Chief Donald J. Trump tweets that Hurricane Dorian will hit Alabama hard. 2005—New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin calls for George W.[MD] Bush and FEMA to “get off your asses and do something” about his flooded city. 1989—Narcs trying to score crack near the White House for a George H.[H.]W. Bush presidential photo-op get the drug…
Sat, Aug 31
2019—Portsmouth’s Daniel Street Post Office closes for good. Thanks a lot, Councilor, Congressman, Governor, and Senator Judd Gregg. 1973—The Gainesville Eight, antiwar veterans charged with conspiracy to riot at the 1972 Republican National Convention, are acquitted. 1965—President Johnson signs a bill making draft card burning illegal. 1963—Robert Bork publishes an article in The New Republic…
Fri, Aug 30
2011—The Federal Election Commission bestirs itself and OKs an investigation of Rep. Frank Guinta [R-N.H.]. 2007—Unbeknownst to the pilots, a B-52 takes off from N.D. with six live nukes onboard. Arriving in La., it sits unguarded from noon to 10:00 p.m. 2004—To milk 9/11 for all it’s worth, the RNC convenes in New York City….
Thurs, Aug 29
2013—Americans learn, thanks to Edward Snowden, that the annual “Black Budget” of the “Intelligence Community” is $52.6 billion a year. 2007—Due to careless accounting, an Air Force B-52 at Minot AFB in North Dakota is loaded with six live nukes, then left unguarded overnight. 1996—Dick Morris resigns; his habit of sucking hooker’s toes bugs boss…
Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country, depending on whom you choose to believe.
The Piscataqua’s ferocious current is caused by the tide, which, in turn, is caused by the moon. The other player is a vast sunken valley — Great Bay — about ten miles upriver. Twice a day, the moon drags about seventeen billion gallons of seawater — enough to fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the river and into Great Bay. This creates a roving hydraulic conflict, as incoming sea and the outgoing river collide. The skirmish line moves from the mouth of the river, up past New Castle, around the bend by the old Naval Prison, under Memorial Bridge, past the tugboats, and on into Great Bay. This can best be seen when the tide is rising.
Twice a day, too, the moon lets all that water go. All the seawater that just fought its way upstream goes back home to the ocean. This is when the Piscataqua earns its title for xth fastest current. Look for the red buoy, at the upstream end of Badger’s Island, bobbing around in the current. It weighs several tons, and it bobs and bounces in the current like a cork.
The river also has its placid moments, around high and low tides. When the river rests, its tugboats and bridges work their hardest. Ships coming in laden with coal, oil, and salt do so at high tide, for more clearance under their keels. They leave empty, riding high in the water, at low tide, to squeeze under Memorial Bridge.