Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)
Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country…read more.
2012—“Today is the day that in 1924 Woodrow Wilson died, that son of a bitch,” says radio-active dingbat Glenn Beck, “and I’m happy.” 2006—After Don Rumsfeld likens H. Chavez to…
2018—A Tesla roadster is launched into space. The car company’s CEO is, unfortunately, not behind the wheel. 2015—A week after a two-foot snowstorm, Po’Town gets 18 inches more. 1991—Before Desert…
2005—Though Canada OK’s same-sex marriage, the world does not end. 2004—Janet Jackson’s nipple is briefly bared on TV; the world nearly ends. 1974—Richard Nixon meets for twenty minutes with the…
2003—At the White House, George W.[MD] Bush tells Tony Blair he’s going to invade Iraq with or without WMDs, and diplomacy will have to fit around the military strategy. 1984—President…
2005—A U.S. official reports that $9,000,000,000 is … well … sort of … missing in Iraq. 1981—An FB-111A “Aardvark” based at Pease AFB crashes near homes at Mariner’s Village, about…
2002—Qassem Suleimani, Commander of the Quds Force—who had been considering a rapprochement between Iran and the U.S.—goes ballistic after George W.[MD] Bush’s “Axis of Evil” speech. Also: Bush asks Senate…
2008—In his last (yay!) State of the Union speech, George W.[MD] Bush promises his budget will keep the U.S. “on track for a surplus in 2012.” 2004—U.S. weapons inspector David…
2015—It snows so hard in Portsmouth that mail carriers fail to make their appointed rounds. 2008—The NSA warns that a malfunctioning satellite as big as a bus is about to…
2015—Another two feet of snow fall on Portsmouth. 2006—On Sunset Blvd., Joaquin Phoenix is rescued from his rolled, gas-reeking car by Werner Herzog. 2005—Gay hustler and accredited White House correspondent…
2005—Conservative columnist Maggie Gallagher admits taking $21,500 from the government for plugging Bush Administration proposals. 2004—Senator John McCain confirms to Vermin Supreme that Karl Rove dynamited the Old Man of…
2015—The winter’s first snow falls in Portsmouth. It will not be the last. 2001—GOP hack Rich Galen reports (falsely) that outgoing Gore staffers slashed all the power cords in the…
2016—The Republican nominee, in Sioux City, Iowa, says “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” 1986—After getting a FOIA request…
2008—The Center for Public Integrity documents 935 instances of “orchestrated deception” by President George W.[MD] Bush and seven top officials leading up to the Iraq War. 1997—Walking in a Tulsa…
2001—With George W.[MD] Bush duly sworn in, Paul Wolfowitz, Ahmad Chalaby, Doug Feith and other neocons meet at Richard Perle’s home to discuss regime change in Iraq. 2001—Ignoring the jeers…
2017—After D.J. Trump gives his “American Carnage” speech, George W.[MD] Bush says to Hillary Clinton, “Well, that was some weird shit.” 2009—“If I ever run for President,” says Donald Trump,…
2004—Weeks after telling Chris Matthews, “we’re going to break up the giant media enterprises,” Howard Dean addresses a screaming crowd in Iowa. Video techs create a clip using sound from…
2018—So-called President Donnie Trump tells the Pentagon he wants a parade just like Emmanuel Macron’s. 1990—Washington, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry is busted in a drug sting. 1983—Taking time out from…
2014—NRA Board Member Ted Nugent, on TV, calls President Obama a “mongrel,” and says liberals should be prosecuted for treason. 2003—George W.[MD] Bush tells wounded troops at Walter Reed we…
2020—The Senate starts trying The Former Guy, but the jury’s been fixed. 2018—White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson claims Donald Trump a) passed a cognitive test, and b) might live…
2001—Wikipedia goes live. 1992—George H.[H.]W. Bush, in N.H. for votes, says “[W]e are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for … don’t cry for me, Argentina.” 1989—TV guest Donald Trump asks…
2000—“This is still a dangerous world…of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses,” warns George W.[MD] Bush. 1969—After warnings from enlisted men aboard the nuke-powered U.S.S. Enterprise go unheeded, the…
2018—Hawaiian authorities issue an alert: “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND … THIS IS NOT A DRILL.” A retraction comes 38 minutes later. 2017—N.H. State Rep. Carolyn Halstead [R-Milford] drops a loaded…
2021—In light of the recent failed insurrection, all eight members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff warn active duty personnel not to do anything treasony. 1991—Congress authorizes the first Bush…
2008—“There will be a signed peace treaty [between Israel and the Palestinians] by the time I leave office,” says George W.[MD] Bush. 2003—“You can count on this,” Donald Rumsfeld tells…
2017—CNN reports on the Steele dossier; Buzzfeed publishes it. 2002—George W.[MD] Bush denies ever meeting Enron CEO Ken Lay, his largest campaign donor. 1992—A busted shipping container releases 28,000 floating…
2002—Future A.G. Al Gonzales writes that parts of the Geneva Conventions are “obsolete” and “quaint.” 1980—Sixty-three participants in the 1979 seizure of the Grand Mosque at Mecca are beheaded with…
2020—Reacting to the U.S. drone-strike assassination of Iranian Maj. Gen. Qassem Soleimani in Baghdad, Iran fires missiles at bases in Iraq; 64 U.S. troops suffer traumatic brain injuries. Trump denies…
2021—A misguided mob of purported patriots attacks the Capitol to subvert democracy and install a dictatorial doofus. Five die, many are injured, but Dolt #45’s autogolpe fails; the Republic is…
