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Our Gilded Idiocracy

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Our Gilded Idiocracy

President Dwight D. Eisenhower is alleged to have said, “Things are more like they are now than they ever have been.” * That was probably true then. Sadly, it seems even more so now. This could lead one to conclude that our ancestors never knew how good they had it. That’s a risky line of thought, though. Not to suggest that these things are in any way equal, but back in Ike’s day, in certain parts of the country, drinking from the wrong water fountain could get a person killed, single women could not get a credit card, and sidewalks were minefields of dog waste. What you most emphatically did not have then, though, was a televised cabinet meeting like the one on Tuesday, during which the president rambled on for nearly a minute, about how someone could “become very wealthy” if they developed a paint which looks like gold. This was followed by a poll of cabinet members, on whether the moldings in the…

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Better Old News Than New Lies, July, 1888

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Rev. O.D. Kimball, formerly pastor of the Baptist church in Leominster, Mass., and now of the West Newton Baptist church, has left the latter place after putting a letter of resignation in the hands of church officers. He admits that he was guilty of gross immorality with five members of his church in Leominster, who were some time ago expelled from that church for making the charges. Alvin Hunnewell of Norridgewock, Me., is held for trial on a charge of poisoning his wife with “rough on rats.” Hunnewell’s son, aged eighteen years, and a young man named Chace, also partook of the poisoned food. All will recover. [Former Minister of War] Gen. [Georges Ernest] Boulanger, the French political quack, and M. [Charles] Floquet, prime minister…

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Page 8

Mon, July 14

2004—The GOP tries to ban gay marriage but can’t rise to the occasion. 2000—Five tobacco companies are ordered to pay $145 billion in damages, but they wiggle off the hook….

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Sun, July 13

2024—A weirdo fails to assassinate a weird presidential candidate. 1987—Senator Warren B. Rudman [R-N.H] sets Ollie North straight during the Iran-Contra hearings: “The American people have the constitutional right to…

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Sat, July 12

2022—Seabrook sirens go off in error. 2020—A poorly-fought four-day fire turns the $2 billion USS Bonhomme Richard into $3.6 million in scrap. 1982—FEMA pledges that even in a nuclear war,…

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Fri, July 11

2003—Condi Rice lies about White House knowledge of Joe Wilson’s Niger investigation; Ari Fleischer outs Valerie Plame as a CIA officer; Karl Rove lies to Time about Wilson’s wife, Plame;…

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Volume 269, No. 22

Hmm… maybe we ought to try some self-promotion… . Here are a couple of excerpts from our “Better Old News Than New Lies” feature, taken from our July 19, 1888 issue:

Rev. O.D. Kimball, formerly pastor of the Baptist church in Leominster, Mass., and now of the West Newton Baptist church, has left the latter place after putting a letter of resignation in the hands of church officers. He admits that he was guilty of gross immorality with five members of his church in Leominster, who were some time ago expelled from that church for making the charges.

The house has decided to put wool on the free list, only three democrats, all northern men, voting against it. Rice and sugar, which are raised solely in the south, will continue to be heavily protected. The south is in the saddle again, unquestionably.

For more of this, and news, too, click here for a .pdf of today’s paper.

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“Thanks again, as always, for making the now really bad news somewhat easier to tolerate. The truth, which is now seldom spoken, and never spoken by our nation’s “Liar in Chief,” just keeps getting worse and worse. I am thankful for our still (for now, anyway) free press and late night television comedians’ rants posted on Youtube about the state of our country.”

— E.S., Dover, N.H.

Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)

Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country…read more.