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This Is a Stickup

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This Is a Stickup

We should be grateful. Despite our modest size, as the Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ we feel obligated to record, to the best of our ability, the essence of each fortnight as it passes. As everyone knows who has not yet retreated, for mental health purposes, to the wilderness or a bunker, current events have been, for the past decade or so, a constant barrage from every direction of the simply unbelievable. We are not complaining. As Hyman Roth said to Michael Corleone, “this is the business we’ve chosen.” We merely wish to establish how challenging it can be to winnow out, from this bizarre maelstrom of the criminal and the ridiculous, those outrages which are most salient and thus worthy of inclusion in our pages. Which is why, from the catbird seat of a newspaper founded twenty years before the Declaration of Independence, we must acknowledge that our alleged President did us a huge favor by establishing a $1,776,666,666 slush fund for traitors. Even for this…

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The World’s Biggest Pusher

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by Richard Balzano The United States kidnapped Venezuela’s president, Nicolás Maduro, in January 2026* on now-crumbling allegations that he headed the fictional “Cartel of the Suns.” Washington framed Maduro as a narco-terrorist kingpin to justify what was effectively an act of war disguised as law enforcement, but prosecutors are now quietly backing away from the bolder claims used to rationalize his abduction. The irony, of course, is that the United States has spent decades enabling narcotrafficking in the name of democracy. For 40+ years Washington waged its unsuccessful War on Drugs alongside its oft-illegal Cold War pursuits. In the American hierarchy of foreign-policy values, anticommunism trumped human rights, basic decency, and even narcotics enforcement itself. On an ongoing basis, the U.S. overlooked, tolerated, collaborated with,…

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Page 8

Mon, June 8

1995—By chance, Russian mobster Vyacheslav Ivankov is arrested at his girlfriends Brighton Beach apartment, not his Trump Tower condo. 1991—Constitution Ave. is wrecked by tanks in a “victory celebration.” 1967—Israeli…

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Sun, June 7

2018—Attacked by a bobcat in her Georgia driveway, DeDe Phillips, 46, strangles the rabid animal. 1997—At the fed-funded Bradbury Science Museum in Los Alamos, New Mexico, activists are arrested for…

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Sat, June 6

2002—Donald Rumsfeld explains to the unknowing that unknown unknowns are “things we do not know we don’t know”—and he should know. 2001—Florida man Vance Flosenzier drags a seven-foot shark from…

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Fri, June 5

2013—News outlets reveal that the NSA, under a Top Secret court order, has been Hoovering™ up the phone records of millions of Americans. 2008—Despite Mayoral objections and a lack of…

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Volume 270, No. 19

We are not so delusional as to think that The Greatest President Ever is aware of our existence. And we are certainly not members of the charmed circle of intimates for whom he will do unseemly favors. Nevertheless, though inadvertently, he did us a favor recently.

Usually it takes a bit of thought to pick a topic for the rant. Let it be known, though, there’s a $1,766,666,666 slush fund for traitors, and that question is done and dusted.

To read about that, and other some shenanigans, just give this link a click.

Politics on paper since October 7, 1756

A newspaper, a third cousin five times removed,
a freelance insurgency. Watch the video.

Political Cartoons.

Mike Dater’s Corner

The New Hampshire Gazette’s resident starving artist. Over 20 years of political satire, some whimsical and some occasionally irreverent.

Visit the Gallery

“Thanks again, as always, for making the now really bad news somewhat easier to tolerate. The truth, which is now seldom spoken, and never spoken by our nation’s “Liar in Chief,” just keeps getting worse and worse. I am thankful for our still (for now, anyway) free press and late night television comedians’ rants posted on Youtube about the state of our country.”

— E.S., Dover, N.H.

Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)

Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country…read more.