The Alleged News®

Where the Money Is

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Perhaps the most lucrative office in the national government, next to the presidency itself, is the clerkship of the supreme court at Washington. It yields an annual income in fees of from $25,000 to $40,000. – New York Evening World [That would be $852,568 to $1,364,109 in today’s debased currency. – The Ed.] The New Hampshire Gazette, November 1, 1888 At Pittsburg, Pa., about the middle of October, Miss Virginia Knox, a young American woman of considerable wealth, was married to Count Di Montcalleri. The couple were expelled from a hotel in Paris on Oct. 29th., the “nobleman” having scandalized the other inmates of the …

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Lucky He Was Drunk

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Isaac Bennett of South Berwick visited Dover, N.H. on Saturday, got gloriously drunk and drove his horse recklessly about the streets until the animal ran away and “fired out” the drunken driver, landing him on his head on a reservoir cover. He was badly cut and bruised; had he been sober his brains would have been scattered all over the street. The Rochester correspondent of the Portsmouth Times asks: “Will some one throw a brick at the Portsmouth correspondent of Foster’s?” He evidently thinks Portsmouth is south of the Mason & Dixon’s line. Morris Hennessy, sixty years old, was killed by the fall of a …

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Nineteenth Century Humanity

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Charles Parker, wife, and two children aged two and four years, fled from Decatur, Ala., when the yellow fever broke out there, to the home of relatives at Oak Mountain. When within fifteen miles of Oak Mountain they were confronted by the shot-gun quarantine, and driven back. On the 7th inst. a brave physician went in search of them, and found them all dead, the parents having died in the woods of yellow fever, and the children of starvation. The Biddeford Journal remarks: “The democratic newspapers are still strugling [sic] to hold down the remaining republican plurality in Maine. It reminds one of the late …

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Tramps! Mugwumps! Women murdered in Whitechapel, London!

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News and Notes Jeremiah O’Neil, one of a gang of four white loafers who undertook to give two colored men an unprovoked thrashing in Providence, R.I., Sept. 15th, was fatally shot by one of the colored men. There was a free fight in the Westminster Presbyterian church at St. Paul, Minn., Sept. 16th, over the alleged immorality of the late pastor. The police quelled the riot. Charles Kinsel of Philadelphia is experimenting with an air-sailing ship. The mugwump bosses of New York have ordered their followers to vote against Hill for governor. A full-blooded negro testified in a rich Irish brogue before a Brooklyn court …

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Vintage News, feat.: Anarchists, Crocodiles, and Laudenum

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During the labor parade in Cleveland, Ohio, a party of foreign anarchists in the procession refused to salute the stars and stripes with their red flag, and were soundly thrashed by the real laborers. Then five of the anarchists were arrested for riot! In a political fight at Clarendon, Ark., Sept. 3rd, three men were killed and the sheriff wounded. At Lodi, Ohio, Sep. 1st, a young girl watching a base ball game was struck behind the ear by a foul ball, and at Republic, Ohio, the same day, the catcher of a local club was struck over the heart by a ball; and both …

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Better Old News Than New Lies, 269/25

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The Elbe at Hamburg has crocodiles in it, thirteen having escaped from a menagerie steamer. A large paper mill at Neenah, Wis., took fire at 11:30 p.m. on the 22d inst. While it was surrounded by people the boilers exploded, shattering to atoms the building, which was of brick and three stories high, and killing eighteen persons, fatally wounding seven, and injuring many others. The money loss was $100,000; insurance $52,000. In a fight at a Baptist meeting at Monticello, Ga., Aug. 23d, two men were shot dead, one or two mortally wounded, and several badly hurt. Over thirty shots were fired. Those fellows evidently …

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