The Alleged News®

Who Knew Dr. Strangelove Was a Documentary?

by

Just a week into the Biden administration, a familiar old bugbear reared its ugly head: would the U.S. go to war with China in defense of Taiwan? Should it? Speaking of “should,” we know we ought to be concerned about the geostrategic implications behind this issue, not to mention the serious humanitarian concerns, but—and you can sue us for this if you like—remembering, as we do, all the hot air generated on this topic back when Ike was in office, we’re just going to yield to temptation. Herewith: a few spitballs from the back of the class. The right wing in those days was made …

Read moreWho Knew Dr. Strangelove Was a Documentary?

Who Actually Owns the Formerly-Award-Winning Local Daily?

by

[From time to time a farmer feels compelled to waste half a day wrestling a rock out of a location where its continued presence is a constant aggravation which can no longer be borne. Such is the nature of the following patch of text. Readers need not apologize for skipping over it; we apologize for its length. Once we got this rock rolling…. In our defense, it could have been even longer. – The Ed.] Elsewhere in this issue we cite a statement which was recently published in the Portsmouth Herald—a newspaper which we used to call “The Award-Winning Local Daily.” The moniker had been …

Read moreWho Actually Owns the Formerly-Award-Winning Local Daily?

Here Comes the Judge

by

Judge Amy Berman Jackson started the week off with a bang. Because hardly anyone seemed to be listening, and because the Memorandum Opinion she signed on May 3rd explained a matter of great import exceedingly well, and because it suggests that there is some slight possibility that justice—real justice—might someday actually prevail, we’ll quote her memorandum below, at considerable length. Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington [CREW] had asked the Justice Department for two documents. Jackson ruled that CREW was entitled to get one. That may be enough. Take it away, Judge Amy Berman Jackson: On Friday, March 22, 2019, Special Counsel Robert S. …

Read moreHere Comes the Judge

What’s New On the Republican Family Values Front?

by

When last we checked, Rep. Matt Gaetz [R-Fla.] was still slated to be the featured speaker at the Nashua Republican City Committee’s annual “Steak Out,” scheduled for August 27. We’re worried, though, that Nashua Republicans might give in to the Governor’s pleas and disinvite him. If they do, we’ll lose our news hook. So, let’s check in on this Florida Man. On March 24th, Fox’s Paul Steinhauser breathlessly reported: “EXCLUSIVE—No. He’s not mulling a 2024 presidential run. “But. “Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida is headed to the first-in-the-nation presidential primary state of New Hampshire this summer, to help raise money for fellow Republicans. “Multiple Republican …

Read moreWhat’s New On the Republican Family Values Front?

No more water, but fire next time…

by

Well, maybe water and fire…. Starting this fortnight’s news at the top, we can report that things are looking a little squishy up there at the top of the ancient oblate spheroid we all call home. It’s early in the season, but according one authoritative source,* the extent of arctic sea ice is now lower than it was in 2012, and has been since mid-February. That’s not good, since 2012 holds the record for minimum sea ice. Members of the Party of Lincoln may choose to refute this, but it’s widely believed that ice melts as a result of higher temperatures. Another phenomenon associated with …

Read moreNo more water, but fire next time…

Happy National Vietnam War Veterans Day!

by

Monday, March 29th will be National Vietnam War Veterans Day, as we all know. “National Vietnam War Veterans Day,” according to Wikipedia,* “is a U.S. holiday observed annually on March 29. It recognizes veterans who served in the U.S. military during the Vietnam War. It should not be confused with Veterans Day.” This particular day was chosen because “on March 29, 1973, Military Assistance Command, Vietnam (MACV) was disbanded and the last U.S. combat troops departed the Republic of Vietnam.” MACV was the successor to MAAG, the Military Assistance Advisory Group, which was sent by Harry Truman, in 1950, to help the French hang onto …

Read moreHappy National Vietnam War Veterans Day!