The Alleged News®

Judge Proves That Justice Is, In Fact, Blind
—and Dumb, Too

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Superior Court Judge Andrew Schulman sentenced four climate activists on Friday, May 13th. The four had held up a train in Bow in December, 2019. To be clear, there were no horses or six-shooters involved; no looting of passengers took place. The four guilty parties just stood on the tracks and, by doing so, delayed the arrival by four and a half hours of a trainload of coal at the Merrimack Generating Station. Once it arrived, the coal was burned, generating electrical power in the process. That power was sold, generating a profit which, we presume, was distributed to shareholders—a very small fraction of the …

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—and Dumb, Too

Virus? What Virus?

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Well—we sure are glad that’s finally over. The Covid-19 pandemic, a once-in-a-century pain in the butt, has finally ended. Everyone is free to roam around, inhaling and exhaling at will. Within the next fortnight the acknowledged U.S. death toll is going to top one million, but never mind all that depressing stuff—it’s morning in America, again! At least, so it seems. New Hampshire closed its testing clinics in March, just as winter was beginning to let up. Portsmouth’s iconic brick sidewalks are clogged with tourists from all over hell and gone. Some of them fly here, spending hours in a metal tube, sharing the air, …

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Jackie Robinson Was A Radical

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by Peter Dreier In our new book, Baseball Rebels: The Players, People, and Social Movements That Shook Up the Game and Changed America, Rob Elias and I profile the many iconoclasts, dissenters and mavericks who defied baseball’s and society’s establishment. But none took as many risks—and had as big an impact—as Jackie Robinson. Though Robinson was a fierce competitor, an outstanding athlete, and a deeply religious man, the aspect of his legacy that often gets glossed over is that he was also a radical. The sanitized version of the Jackie Robinson story goes something like this: He was a remarkable athlete who, with his unusual …

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Foul-Mouthed Governor Tells the F___ing Truth, Then Recants

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In a shocking performance at a Washington, D.C. gala, New Hampshire’s Republican Governor told the f___ing truth. Due to its unexpected nature, the event made headlines around the world—which, given Governor Sununu’s political ambitions, was likely his intent. Typically, when he’s back home among the rubes voters, Chris Sununu presents a folksy, more wholesome image. On Saturday evening’s Gridiron Dinner, though, before 600 Washington insiders in formal evening wear, he was exceptionally foul-mouthed. Rep. Jamie Raskin [D–Md.], quoted in the Washington Post, said he had not heard a “Republican use the F-word that much since the Nixon administration.” The Gridiron Dinner is an annual celebration …

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Burning the Earth at both ends

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[Muttering in the newsroom: “If only we could think up a clever way to put this…maybe that would make it more palatable. On the other hand, there’s much to be said for brutal honesty. Have to check with Legal, and see if there’s any case law on criminal liability for printing news that’s just too godawful to be read safely….”] Oh, pardon us, dear reader. We were just trying to decide whether to continue publishing this newspaper, or to don sackcloth and ashes, join a mendicant pilgrimage, and walk barefoot to…. Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? Where the hell do you go when Earth …

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Now Let’s Do the American Oligarchs

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by Richard Eskow From President Biden’s State of the Union: “Tonight I say to the Russian oligarchs and corrupt leaders who have bilked billions of dollars off this violent regime: no more. “The U.S. Department of Justice is assembling a dedicated task force to go after the crimes of Russian oligarchs.  “We are joining with our European allies to find and seize your yachts, your luxury apartments, your private jets. We are coming for your ill-begotten gains.” With these words, the president unintentionally laid out a blueprint for responding to the American oligarchs, superpredators who dwarf their Russian counterpoints in wealth and political power. Oligarchs …

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