The Alleged News®

by Jake Johnson Defenders of Social Security on Tuesday urged the U.S. Senate to block President Joe Biden’s little-noticed nomination of Andrew Biggs—an American Enterprise Institute senior fellow with a history of supporting Social Security privatization—to serve on the independent and bipartisan Social Security Advisory Board. Social Security Works, a progressive advocacy group, is leading the charge against Biggs, highlighting his role in the George W. Bush administration’s failed attempt to privatize the New Deal program in 2005. At the time, Biggs worked on Social Security as an associate director of Bush’s National Economic Council. “Andrew Biggs has advocated for Social Security cuts throughout his …

Read morePrivatizer Nominated for Social Security Board

Could a future televised Congressional hearing ever surpass the one held on Tuesday? Sure. Nothing to it. Just swear in a witness from Alpha Centauri. Or 133 year-old Judge Crater, who mysteriously disappeared 92 years ago. How about Bat Boy, brandishing a birth certificate declaring that Hillary Clinton is his mother? Short of something on that order, though, Tuesday had to be a high-water mark. Granted, we had previously known that a sitting President—with one impeachment under his capacious belt already—had denied the legitimate results of the 2020 election, assembled a mob of followers at the Ellipse, and called upon them to march on the …

Read more“I Don’t F’ing Care That They Have Weapons.
They’re Not Here To Hurt Me.”

Scrolling through our Twitter feed on Tuesday, June 14th—our No. 1 choice of distractions while avoiding productive work—we encountered a tweet from @newtgingrich. “Did you know in 1949 National Flag Day was established by an Act of Congress?” it asked. “Find out more at http://flagpoleoffreedom.com.” Unable to resist, we clicked and were astonished. In the midst of a broad vista of low, forested hills, fringed off in the distance by blue ocean waters, rose a flagpole of such gigantic proportions that, in comparison, the treetops below might as well have been some grassy greensward—or, considering the oversized golden finial atop the pole, a golf course …

Read moreA Flag Day That Will Live In…We’re Not Quite Sure What

Superior Court Judge Andrew Schulman sentenced four climate activists on Friday, May 13th. The four had held up a train in Bow in December, 2019. To be clear, there were no horses or six-shooters involved; no looting of passengers took place. The four guilty parties just stood on the tracks and, by doing so, delayed the arrival by four and a half hours of a trainload of coal at the Merrimack Generating Station. Once it arrived, the coal was burned, generating electrical power in the process. That power was sold, generating a profit which, we presume, was distributed to shareholders—a very small fraction of the …

Read moreJudge Proves That Justice Is, In Fact, Blind
—and Dumb, Too

Well—we sure are glad that’s finally over. The Covid-19 pandemic, a once-in-a-century pain in the butt, has finally ended. Everyone is free to roam around, inhaling and exhaling at will. Within the next fortnight the acknowledged U.S. death toll is going to top one million, but never mind all that depressing stuff—it’s morning in America, again! At least, so it seems. New Hampshire closed its testing clinics in March, just as winter was beginning to let up. Portsmouth’s iconic brick sidewalks are clogged with tourists from all over hell and gone. Some of them fly here, spending hours in a metal tube, sharing the air, …

Read moreVirus? What Virus?