Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide
(Not for Navigational Purposes)
Mon, Oct 26
2016—Bloomberg reports that Frederick Trump, Donald’s grandpa, once ran a brothel in British Columbia. 2010—Arizona kills Jeffrey Landrigan, using drugs imported illegally. 2003—Iraqi resistance fighters nearly get Deputy Defence Secretary Paul Wolfowitz with a rocket in Baghdad. 1972—Four years after helping to scuttle peace talks and get Richard Nixon elected, Henry Kissinger announces that “Peace…
Sun, Oct 25
2001—Only Sen. Russ Feingold votes “nay” on the “PATRIOT” Act. 1983—U.S. troops protect us–and distract from the deaths of 241 Marines in Beirut–by invading Grenada. 1978—In response to GOP malfeasance, FISA is enacted—thereby enabling future GOP malfeasance. 1973—Henry Kissinger, Alexander Haig, and other unelected officials raise America’s military readiness level to DEF CON 3 as…
Sat, Oct 24
2001—The U.S. House passes the PATRIOT Act without reading it. 1990—Italy’s PM admits the Gladio “conspiracy theory” was factually true: the CIA and MI-5 helped fascists carry out false flag attacks in Europe. 1983—U.S. military aircraft, using old maps, bomb Richmond Hill Insane Asylum in Grenada, killing 16. 1963—In Dallas on UN Day, U.S. Ambassador…
Fri, Oct 23
2015—FBI boss James Comey says criticism of the police is causing the rise of violent crime in cities. He offers no evidence for this assertion. 2015—Senator Ted Cruz [R-Texas] warns “one more liberal justice and they begin sandblasting and bulldozing veterans memorials.” 2013—Chancellor Angela Merkel calls the White House to complain about the NSA tapping…
Thurs, Oct 22
1987—At Yoken’s, Queens con man Donald Trump puts the flim-flam on a credulous Portsmouth Rotary Club. 1968—To improve the odds of his election, Richard Nixon tells H.R. Haldeman to “monkey wrench” negotiations to end the Vietnam War. 1967—KGB agent Manfred Ramminger steals a Sidewinder missile from Neuburg AFB, takes it off-base in a wheelbarrow, drives…
Wed, Oct 21
2017—Citizens gather on the beach at Sanders Poynt to celebrate the end of the five-year Binnie Blockade. 1975—In the 12th inning, New Hampshire’s own Carlton Fisk waves the ball fair, and the Red Sox win Game 6 of the World Series. 1967—Yippies, Diggers, & Hippies try to levitate the Pentagon. They fail. 1966—A mountain of…
Tues, Oct 20
2025—The East Wing of the White House is destroyed by a vandal who “works” elsewhere in the building. 2005—Sen. Judd Gregg [R-N.H.] votes against increasing Federal home heating aid for the poor. 1990—Americans in 22 cities protest the impending Gulf War. 1983—Reagan inks the Conn. Indian Land Claims Settlement Act recognizing the Mashantucket Pequots. 1973—After…
Mon, Oct 19
2005—Diagnosed with terminal cancer, a woman requests a refund of a down payment on some real estate. Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.)., a recent Powerball winner ($853K), says “No.” 2005—Saddam Hussein goes on trial in Baghdad for crimes against humanity and pissing off Bushes. 2000—George W.[MD] Bush says at the Al Smith Dinner, “This is an…
Sun, Oct 25
2001—Only Sen. Russ Feingold votes “nay” on the “PATRIOT” Act. 1983—U.S. troops protect us–and distract from the deaths of 241 Marines in Beirut–by invading Grenada. 1978—In response to GOP malfeasance, FISA is enacted—thereby enabling future GOP malfeasance. 1973—Henry Kissinger, Alexander Haig, and other unelected officials raise America’s military readiness level to DEF CON 3 as…
Sun, Oct 18
2017—Turning Point USA stages a demo at Kent State to “own the libs.” Featuring a college student wearing a diaper, it does not go over well. 2017—U.S. President Donald Trump signs a check for $35,000 to repay his lawyer for buying the silence of a porn star with whom he had an affair. 2014—Thousands of…
Sat, Oct 17
1999—After confessing she had had a 19-year affair with her father-in-law, George Roche III, the president of Hillsdale College—“the most conservative college in America”—Lissa Roche commits suicide. 1973—OPEC turns off the oil tap. 1967—Lt. Col. Terry Allen Jr. leads two companies of the 28th Infantry, outnumbered 10 to 1, into a VC ambush at Ong…
Fri, Oct 16
2002—George W.[MD] Bush signs the law he demanded giving him permission to start an unprovoked war. 1973—Fred and Donald Trump are sued by the Justice Dept. for discriminating against minority renters. Their lawyer, Roy Cohn, countersues, claiming the victims are the Trumps. 1973—After Henry Kissinger gets the Nobel Peace Prize, Tom Lehrer declares political satire…
Thurs, Oct 15
2008—The Dow loses 7.8 percent of its value in its 2nd worst day ever. 2004—Jon Stewart appears on CNN’s “Crossfire” and begs Tucker Carlson to “stop hurting America.” Less than 90 days later CNN announces the show is over. 1987—Socialist Thomas Sankara, President of Burkina Faso and an opponent of the World Bank, is assassinated…
Wed, Oct 14
2018—RIP, Emilio V. Maddaloni. 2011—Weeks after a U.S. drone smites his dad, a U.S. citizen in Yemen, Abdulrahman Anwar al-Awlaki, also a U.S. citizen, meets the same fate. Neither ever got a trial. 1984—KFBK in Sacramento replaces Morton Downey Jr., with someone even worse: Rush Limbaugh. 1976—The U.S., presided over by Gerald Ford, Republican, apologizes…
Tues, Oct 13
2004—Ordered to deliver useless contaminated fuel across hostile Iraqi terrain in un-armored trucks, 19 U.S. Army Reservists wisely say “nope.” 2004—Andrea Mackris sues her ex-boss, Fox’s Bill O’Reilly, for making lewd phones calls. Two weeks later O’Reilly pays her $9M to shut up. 2004—George W.[MD] Bush claims during a televised debate, “Gosh, I don’t think…
Portsmouth, arguably the first town in this country not founded by religious extremists, is bounded on the north and east by the Piscataqua River, the second, third, or fourth fastest-flowing navigable river in the country, depending on whom you choose to believe.
The Piscataqua’s ferocious current is caused by the tide, which, in turn, is caused by the moon. The other player is a vast sunken valley — Great Bay — about ten miles upriver. Twice a day, the moon drags about seventeen billion gallons of seawater — enough to fill 2,125,000 tanker trucks — up the river and into Great Bay. This creates a roving hydraulic conflict, as incoming sea and the outgoing river collide. The skirmish line moves from the mouth of the river, up past New Castle, around the bend by the old Naval Prison, under Memorial Bridge, past the tugboats, and on into Great Bay. This can best be seen when the tide is rising.
Twice a day, too, the moon lets all that water go. All the seawater that just fought its way upstream goes back home to the ocean. This is when the Piscataqua earns its title for xth fastest current. Look for the red buoy, at the upstream end of Badger’s Island, bobbing around in the current. It weighs several tons, and it bobs and bounces in the current like a cork.
The river also has its placid moments, around high and low tides. When the river rests, its tugboats and bridges work their hardest. Ships coming in laden with coal, oil, and salt do so at high tide, for more clearance under their keels. They leave empty, riding high in the water, at low tide, to squeeze under Memorial Bridge.