The Fortnightly Rant

A Belated Happy Easter, All

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For one reason or another, spring has returned to the northern hemisphere. Some may say it’s the will of the Lord: the warming earth and returning birds are a manifestation of His infinite grace and wisdom. Perhaps so; it’s certainly not for the likes of us to say. That will, though, if indeed it exists, seems so wildly unpredictable, the regularity of spring’s arrival raises our suspicions as to His involvement. Others ascribe this recurring phenomenon to the slightly more scrutable laws of physics. Because those laws are contingent upon verification through experimentation, this argument has won fairly widespread acceptance. It’s a bold strategy, though—at …

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Ain’t That America?

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Since we last went to press—well, since we last published—two apparently deranged men have allegedly gone on separate killing sprees, in Atlanta, Georgia, and Boulder, Colorado. We regret having made that sentence less succinct than it might have been, but the nation’s laws pertaining to libel are more stringent than those on guns. It may be disconcerting, but it cannot be denied: America is getting back to normal. Democratic legislators are calling for a ban on assault weapons, while Republicans are focusing their attention on the Democrats’ choice of words. The Republicans do have a point here. A number of Democrats have called the Boulder …

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Let’s Take Piercy’s Low Road

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Bye-bye, former guy. We are now seven weeks and change into a new era. You can tell things are different now; it’s actually quiet enough to think. This is not to say, of course, that everyone will take advantage of that opportunity. It’s just to say that one of reality’s fundamental switches has been reset to the default position: no longer is the most powerful position on the planet being exploited solely to create and foster a certain brand of American Carnage™. Now that all of us have been blessed with a greater degree of mental freedom than we’ve had for over four years, we …

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Conservatives Flock to Socialist Hellhole, Worship Golden Effigy

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The Conservative Political Action Conference [CPAC] for the Year of Our Lord 2021—we hope they appreciate that pious flourish—began yesterday in sunny, socialistic Orlando, Florida. Say what? Socialistic? Sure—what else would you call a place that requires everybody to wear a mask, just to keep the rest of its puny citizens alive? Orlando is the Seat of Orange County, which is ruled—with an iron fist, of course; mustn’t leave out that important detail—by an elected mayor and six commissars. They claim to be “commissioners,” but let’s keep it real: only one of those seven is a Republican. It’s probably safe to assume that the true …

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Big, Bold, Bad Business—As Usual

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The Republican Party has come under mounting criticism lately—not that there’s anything wrong with that. In some quarters, this phenomenon is seen as overdue. However late, though, and however modest, it should be viewed as a welcome correction after decades of willful blindness. This nation has always valued boldness, though. We would argue that the Party of Lincoln should be granted a little credit for that, if nothing else. In this fractious time, when calls for unity are coming from every quarter—well, from many quarters—surely many Americans will agree: right or wrong, when Donald Trump called out to the mob, “bring me the head of …

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Trying Trump Is Just…So Trying

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It is tempting to think of January 21st as an historic day for the U.S. of A. Finally, after four harrowing years, a full day passed when the Executive Branch was not being attacked with a saw by a fool sitting out at the far end of it. Congratulations, America. Just don’t get too cocky. To extend our arborial metaphor, you’re not out of the woods yet. On this semi-auspicious occasion, we beg the reader’s leave to draw upon our seniority in the ranks of American journalistic enterprises—indeed, our history covers a full 46 percent of the time since Gutenberg first hawked a Bible—and express …

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