I.
Let us combine
Washington’s birthday
with Lincoln’s birthday
so that we can add a holiday
for the man who once
described the United States
government as “the greatest
purveyor of violence
in the world today.”
II.
There are 14 quotes
from Martin Luther King, Jr.
on his memorial in DC,
but the quote above
was not included.
III.
Are we supposed to honor
all our presidents
on Presidents’ Day?
IV.
William Henry Harrison
was our president
for 32 days,
barely enough time
to screw things up.
Lucky man.
V.
Warren G. Harding
appointed a US Army deserter
to be the first director
of the Veterans Bureau;
he proceeded to embezzle
$2 million from the veterans
whose well-being he
was responsible for.
VI.
On the other hand,
Harding was no paragon
of virtue either.
VII.
Among his many accomplishments,
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
may have slept with
Marilyn Monroe.
VIII.
Richard Nixon
was a crook.
IX.
Texas Air National Guard
pilot George W. Bush
had his wings lifted
for refusing a drug test.
X.
Should we honor
Dick “Dick” Cheney
for running the country
while “W” was president?
XI.
Donald Trump claims his
golf handicap is 2.8.
GolfNewsNet
suggests this figure
may be less than accurate.
No! Really?
XII.
Save up to 60%
on lingerie, panties & bras
at Victoria’s Secret
Presidents’ Day sale!
XIII.
On February 22nd, 1936,
retired pitcher Walter Johnson
threw a silver dollar (twice)
across the Rappahannock River,
proving that George Washington
could have done it, too.
– W.D. Ehrhart