by W.D. Ehrhart
So much for ex-Marine oysterman and working-class hero Graham Platner’s bid to unseat the sleazy weaselly Susan Collins in the U.S. Senate. Another American male undone by his inability to keep his pants up. It just amazes me—indeed, leaves me breathless and flabbergasted—how often men seem to be incapable of resisting the desire to engage in sequel activity at inappropriate times and with inappropriate partners.
Don’t misunderstand me. Ever since I hit puberty about 64 years ago, I’ve enjoyed sex as much as the next man. Indeed, prior to my marriage at the age of 32, I was more active than I probably should have been, and that included doing some things that I’m not proud of; and there are women who, if they think of me at all, don’t remember me fondly.
But I wasn’t a politician then—or now—nor a “public person” at all, and neither before nor after my marriage have I ever sexually assaulted a person—male or female—or jeopardized my employment or my public reputation or my integrity by engaging in illicit sexual adventures.
It’s called maturity, I think, self-control, discipline. Call me a prig or a Puritan if you like, and over the years more than one person of the male persuasion has (in almost every case, men who have had extramarital affairs), but I don’t ever have to worry about being exposed as a sexual predator or a man governed by his penis.
I realize that the peccadilloes Platner is accused of occurred before he entered the public arena. But he does seem to have engaged repeatedly in an assortment of—shall we say—ill-advised sexual escapades over an extended period of time even beyond this latest revelation that has caused him to withdraw his candidacy. When he chose to run for the U.S. Senate, did he really think his past behavior would not come under microscopic scrutiny?
As I look back over the years, the list of “public servants” who have been exposed and ruined by their desire to have an orgasm with someone they ought not to be having orgasms with is quite astounding. Remember Senator Gary Hart (D-Colo.)? Accused of having an extra-marital affair, he famously said, “Follow me around. I don’t care. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.” Somebody did. He subsequently had to withdraw his candidacy for president, and he quickly disappeared from public life.
Let’s do a little more reminiscing. There was Representative Mark Foley (R-Fla.), who had to resign in disgrace after he got caught trying to put the make on young male congressional aides. And former Senator (D-N.C.) and vice-presidential nominee John Edwards, whose political career collapsed when it came out that he’d fathered a child by a woman not his wife.
How about Anthony Wiener (D-N.Y.), who ended up doing jail time for sexting an underage girl. And let’s not overlook Representative Tim Murphy (R-Pa.), the staunch “family values” conservative who tried to pressure the married woman he had knocked up into having an abortion.
It’s not just politicians, of course. At least some highly visible evangelists can’t seem to keep their flies closed either. Who could forget Jimmy Swaggart? Or more recently televangelist Marcus Lamb, Billy Graham’s grandson Tullian Tchividjian, megachurch pastor Carl Lentz, or bestselling Christian author Philip Yancey.
But my own personal favorite is President William Jefferson Clinton. While in the midst of being sued for sexual misconduct by a woman not his wife, and being investigated for sexual misconduct by Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr, Clinton was getting his knob polished in the West Wing of the Executive Mansion by a very young White House intern. That magnitude of stupidity combined with the apparently insatiable need for sexual gratification is simply mind-boggling. And if the scandal (“I did not have sex with that woman”) was not solely responsible for the election of George W. Bush—the 2nd worst president this country has ever had, topped only the Orange Cheeto currently occupying the presidency—it certainly didn’t help Al Gore’s campaign.
Speaking of which, no wonder our Sexual Predator-in-Chief and his MAGAMinions think God is on his side. We have recordings of him openly bragging about how he grabbed women by their genitals (not the word he used), was convicted of paying hush money to the prostitute he was screwing while his (third) wife was nursing their infant child, and lost in court to a woman who successfully sued him for defamation of character and sexual abuse.
Apparently, our Kleptomaniac-in-Chief is immune to the forces of decency and shame that usually result in the termination of public careers (though one might argue that Al Gore ended up paying a higher price for Clinton’s sexual appetite than Clinton himself did).
Given the endless and constantly growing list of indiscretions; enterprises designed to enrich himself, his family and his friends; and even what many people including lawyers and legal scholars characterize as outright criminal enterprises, if God isn’t actually intervening in favor of the MAGAMobster, I’d like to hear how you explain what he’s managed to get away with over the course of his far-too-long lifetime.
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W.D. Ehrhart is a retired Master Teacher of History & English, and author of a Vietnam War memoir trilogy published by McFarland.