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2011—S&P lowers the U.S.’s credit rating because the GOP says it might not let the government pay its bills. 2007—On Lake Winnipesaukee, the President of France, clad only in swim trunks, jumps into the boat of AP’s N.H.-based ace photographer Jim Cole and berates him for doing his job. 2004—“Our enemies,” says George W.[MD] Bush, “never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” 1981—Ronald Reagan fires 12,700 air traffic controllers. 1971—ITT comes through with $100,000 towards the GOP Convention; the Justice Department overlooks ITT violations of antitrust laws. 1969—The Army says eight Green Berets are under …

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2003—When lightning sets fire to a warehouse in Bardstown, Ky., 800,000 gallons of Jim Beam gush out of 19,000 barrels. Thousands of fish die in a flaming river, while high winds whip up a 100-foot firenado. 1997—Skynet goes online, removing human decisions from strategic defense systems. What could go wrong? 1992—Republicans re-nominate the Bush/Quayle ticket. [Snicker.] 1991—The captain and officers of the sinking Oceanos abandon the ship—and its passengers. Entertainers organize a successful rescue of all aboard. 1987—The FCC jettisons the Fairness Doctrine, declaring it “restricts the journalistic freedom of broadcasters.” 1964—The USS Maddox and USS Turner Joy report a second torpedo attack in Gulf …

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1981—Air traffic controllers give Ronald Reagan his cue to grandstand. 1980—Ronald Reagan touts “states’ rights” in his first post-convention speech—two miles from the site where, 19 years earlier, three murdered civil rights workers were buried. 1971—New Hampshire man Alan Shepard hits a golf ball on the moon. 1966—RIP Lenny Bruce, prosecuted to death at the age of 40. 1962—Tusko the elephant, “pride of the Oklahoma City Zoo,” keels over, defecates, shudders, and dies after being shot in the butt with a huge dose of LSD by a CIA mind control crank. 1961—Byron Rickards, piloting a Boeing 707 over New Mexico, is skyjacked by father and …

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2002—George W.[MD] Bush signs a law to let U.S. commandos invade Holland to free any U.S. troops being tried for war crimes at The Hague. 2000—The GOP picks George W.[MD] Bush to preside, and Dick “Dick” Cheney to run the country. 1993—A short circuit sends a self-destruct command to a Titan IV rocket which blows up over the Pacific destroying $1 billion in spy satellites. 1990—Iraq invades Kuwait. 1964—The USS Maddox, in North Vietnamese territorial waters to support covert South Vietnamese attacks, fires on North Vietnamese torpedo boats. When they fire back, Maddox reports an “unprovoked” attack. 1946—Disgruntled veterans in Athens, Tenn. prevail over a …

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2023—Dolt #45 gets his 3rd set of felony indictments: four counts of trying to overturn an election he lost. 2007—An interstate highway bridge in Minneapolis collapses, killing 13. 2002—The George W.[MD] Bush administration adopts a new policy: torture is now The American Way.™ 1974—Vice President Ford meets with Al Haig for 50 minutes; they talk about Nixon perhaps resigning, and a possible pardon from Ford. It’s all quite kosher, though Haig did sign the official log under an assumed name. 1972—The Washington Post reports on a “two-bit burglary” at DNC HQ. 1972—First Lt. G.W.[MD] Bush loses his Air National Guard flying status; he skipped a …

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2001—Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld sends a memo to Under Secretary for Policy Douglas Feith: “We ought to have on our radar screen oil—Venezuela, the Caucasus, Indonesia—anywhere we think it may exist and how it fits into our strategies.” 1999—Eugene Shoemaker becomes the first Earthling to have his cremated remains interred on the moon. 1996—Gerald Ford and George H.[H.] Walker Bush uphold the dignity of their former office by speaking for pay before an audience of followers of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. 1974—Richard Nixon’s former advisor John Ehrlichman gets a free five-year stay at a felons’ country club. 1972—Tom Eagleton withdraws his candidacy; the public …

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