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Stand Up, People!

To the Editor: When President Trump started the war with Iran, he said it would last two to four weeks. Then it was four to six weeks. Now he said it will not last as long as the ten-year long Vietnam war. He also said he does not care about the economic pain this war is causing the American people. The pain is real, not just in the price of gasoline. Food, energy, electricity, rents, mortgages, and health care are all rising. The cost of living in March was 1.2 percent higher than in February and April was 0.9 percent higher than in March. This …

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This Is a Stickup

We should be grateful. Despite our modest size, as the Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ we feel obligated to record, to the best of our ability, the essence of each fortnight as it passes. As everyone knows who has not yet retreated, for mental health purposes, to the wilderness or a bunker, current events have been, for the past decade or so, a constant barrage from every direction of the simply unbelievable. We are not complaining. As Hyman Roth said to Michael Corleone, “this is the business we’ve chosen.” We merely wish to establish how challenging it can be to winnow out, from this bizarre maelstrom of …

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Volume 270, No. 19

We are not so delusional as to think that The Greatest President Ever is aware of our existence. And we are certainly not members of the charmed circle of intimates for whom he will do unseemly favors. Nevertheless, though inadvertently, he did us a favor recently. Usually it takes a bit of thought to pick a topic for the rant. Let it be known, though, there’s a $1,766,666,666 slush fund for traitors, and that question is done and dusted. To read about that, and other some shenanigans, just give this link a click.

Fri, May 29

2020—A U.S. President, scared by a protest against a Minneapolis cop’s murder of George Floyd, hides for an hour in the White House bunker. 2017—A U.S. President asks an aide, at a Memorial Day observance, “I don’t get it. What was in it for them?” 2015—The Washington Post prints ex-Gov. John H. Sununu’s confession that in 1988 he bartered state assets—low-numbered license plates—to buy support for G.H.[H.]W. Bush. 2008—Senator (and candidate) John McCain [R-Ariz.] says “Mosul is quiet” on a day when 30 die there. 2002—FBI head Robert Mueller says 9/11 might have been preventable. 2001—The Bush twins, charged with underage boozing, plead nolo. 1992—In …

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Thurs, May 28

2024—A former U.S. President wishes a “Happy Memorial Day to all, including the Human Scum… .” 1986—The DOE calls off its search for a site to dump high-level nuclear waste from power plants; southwestern N.H. had been a candidate. 1972—Third time’s a charm: Nixon’s “Plumbers” finally break into DNC HQ in the Watergate Office Building. 1962—The stock market plummets 5.7 percent, the worst drop since 1929. 1946—Workers in Rochester, N.Y. stage a general strike in support of municipal workers fired for unionizing. One day later they’ve won. 1946—The Pentagon begins working on a long-range bomber to be powered by a nuclear reactor; 15 years and …

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Wed, May 27

1994—Charles Rodman Campbell does his best to dodge it, but Washington State’s hangman finally manages to get a noose around his neck. 1980—Peace returns to Gwangju, South Korea the old fashioned way: troops kill thousands of civilians. 1972—Nixon’s “Plumbers” fail for a second time to break into Democratic National HQ at the Watergate. 1962—Centralia, Pa. officials set a fire to clear an underground landfill. The fire spreads to a coal seam; the town is later abandoned. The fire is expected to burn another 250 years. 1959—NBC’s Today Show reports straight-faced on the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals’ satirical campaign to clothe quadrupeds. 1944—NBC censors …

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