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Thurs, March 5

2007—In Bloomington, Ill., Dee Riddle is startled by a meteorite crashing through her bedroom window. 2001—A Nor’easter begins which will dump 40 inches of snow on New Hampshire’s Rockingham County. 1963—Patsy Cline, singer of “I Fall to Pieces,” dies when her plane crashes. 1960—Alberto Korda takes “that photo” of Che Guevara. 1953—Car thief and armed robber Pearlie Miller, on the lam since an escape in 1948, on the FBI’s most wanted list for one day, is arrested at a diner in Somersworth, N.H. 1953—Everybody dies; this time, to the relief of many, it’s Joe Stalin. 1933—In Germany, the Nazi party wins a plurality in the …

Wed, March 4

2001—Fox broadcasts a “Lone Gunman” show in which U.S. agents remotely hijack an airliner and try to crash it into the World Trade Center. 1987—Ronald Reagan admits trading arms to Iran for hostages. 1960—La Coubre, a French munitions ship, explodes in Havana harbor. Between 75 and 100 people die. CIA involvement is “suspected.” 1937—The UAW wins a sit-down strike in Flint, Mich. 1933—“We have nothing to fear,” says FDR, “but fear itself.” 1929—Oscar Stanton de Priest [R-Ill.] becomes the first African-American to take a seat in Congress since Reconstruction. 1917—In Congress, Sen. Harry Lane (D-Ore.) prepares to stab Ollie James (D-Ky.) in the neck if …

Tues, March 3

2016—Dolt #45 asserts on live TV that his genitalia are adequate. 1991—LAPD cops savagely beat Rodney King—on tape, it turns out. 1981—Burlington, Vt. elects a new mayor: Socialist Bernie Sanders. 1969—An under-manned company of the 4th Division is sent after a crack NVA battalion west of Kontum; result: 47 percent end up KIA or MIA. 1934—John Dillinger busts out of the Crown Point, Ind. jail with a hand-carved wooden pistol and drives off in the sheriff’s new V-8 Ford. 1931—In Laredo, Texas, 17-year old Harlon Carter murders Ramón Casiano, 15, with a shotgun. Sentenced to three years, Carter does two; 46 years later he takes …

His critics claim that our Commander-in-Chief has never done anything, ever, for anyone but himself. Now he has made liars out of all of them. It is no secret that he has long coveted—one might even say that he has lusted after—a Nobel Peace Prize. The chances of that were never good, except in his dreams. After last weekend, though, his only shot will be through an invasion of Norway. Why did he make such a sacrifice? We may never know, thanks to our Commander’s expertise in the fine art of Strategic Ambiguity. Indeed, our Great Leader’s ability to keep adversaries off balance through obfuscation …

Volume 270, No. 13

On January 20, 2017, Matt Christman tweeted, “This is the stupidest day in American history, a record that will be broken by every subsequent day in American history.” It’s been 3,333 days, he hasn’t been wrong yet, and this past fortnight showed no signs of a turnaround. To read our latest issue, just give this link a click.

Mon, March 2

2004—UN weapons inspectors report that Saddam Hussein didn’t have any WMD after all. Oops… . 1991—At Ramaila, Iraq, under future-MSNBC military analyst Barry McCaffrey, the U.S. 24th Infantry Division kills about ten percent of the 7,000-man 1st Hammurabi Armored Division, two days after the Gulf War cease-fire. 1955—The Screen Actors Guild votes to expel any member who takes the Fifth to avoid self-incrimination. 1948—The KKK parades and burns crosses in Wrightsville, Ga. None of the town’s 400 Black voters show up for a primary election the next day. 1942—The U.S. Army tells all Japanese-Americans to move away from the West Coast, for their own good. …