Well, here we are now. Sheesh. It’s like life is just a never-ending process of trying to get used to things you never imagined could ever happen.
Eventually it will end, of course, but what the hell. We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, stuff—if the reader will kindly pardon the euphemism—is in fact happening. So, let’s dig in. Who’s got the manure fork? *
Former President, primary front-runner, presumptive Republican nominee, and Energizer Blowhard™ Donald J. Trump was charged with 37 felonies in Miami on Tuesday. Here’s how Fox News treated the event:
In case that’s hard to read—and because it warrants repeating—we’ll describe the image: it’s a screenshot taken from “Fox News Tonight,” and brazenly cribbed by us from the New York Times. A split screen shows President Joe Biden behind a podium on the left, and former President Donald Trump on the right. Across the screen beneath them, the chyron reads, “Wannabe Dictator Speaks At The White House After Having His Political Rival Arrested.”
“Fox News Tonight” is the name Fox News assigned to the time slot formerly occupied by Tucker Carlson. Our condolences to anyone who had hoped his firing might reduce the volume of that daily dose of swill.
Unfortunately, the same reality-defiant attitude also prevails at the other, more hoity-toity end of Rupert Murdoch’s quasi-journalistic schtick.
Last Saturday the Editorial Board of the Wall Street Journal called the Trump indictment “destructive,” and asked, “Do prosecutors understand the forces they are unleashing?” Nice country you’ve got there. Too bad if anything should happen to it.
As we reiterated a few issues back, Ronald “Government is the Problem” Reagan and Roy Cohn invited the Murdoch propaganda machine to establish a beachhead on these shores. Now, decades later, the halls of Congress are awash with spillover from the toxic crap-valve opened by the now-dead hand of the Gipper.
A week ago House Speaker Kevin McCarthy told Fox News Digital, “This is going to disrupt this nation because it goes to the core of equal justice for all, which is not being seen today. And we’re not going to stand for it.”
So, the Legislature is going to interfere with the proceedings of the Justice Department, part of the Executive Branch? Sounds legit (insert sarcasm emoji).
“This is a very dark day in America when you think about what they’re trying to indict President Trump on,” McCarthy told Fox News Digital. “You’ve got a sitting president right now in the exact same situation. [Note: This is not true. – The Ed.] You have a former first lady, senator, secretary of state, that had the same situation [Note: This is not true, either. – the Ed.] that nothing was done to [Note: Actually, the opposite is true. You have a former first lady, &c., &c. and a former president, who, whatever other manifold sins they undoubtedly committed, were hounded for years over nothing. The Ed.].”
If McCarthy truly has such a skewed view of justice, he ought to pass a bill that would, once and for all, incorporate it into the U.S. Code.
Composer Frank Wilhoit set out the basic principles in March, 2018:
“There is no such thing as liberalism—or progressivism, etc.
“There is only conservatism. No other political philosophy actually exists; by the political analogue of Gresham’s Law, conservatism has driven every other idea out of circulation.
“There might be, and should be, anti-conservatism; but it does not yet exist. What would it be? In order to answer that question, it is necessary and sufficient to characterize conservatism. Fortunately, this can be done very concisely.
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit:
“There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.
“There is nothing more or else to it, and there never has been, in any place or time.”
No modern Republican, though, could ever be that honest.
Wilhoit was arguing against, not for, this vision of conservatism. This is what he was for: “The law cannot protect anyone unless it binds everyone; and it cannot bind anyone unless it protects everyone.”
What we have is all against all. Two days before his arraignment, Trump “ReTruthed” [re-posted] something a follower had put up on “Truth Social,” his social media app. Its text read, in part, “This is not a game. This is war. … Will you fight? Will you defend?”
This bellicose blather was superimposed over a photo showing Trump, flanked by medal-bedecked men in military uniforms, striding towards the camera across the playing field at an Army-Navy football game.
Ignoring the piquant irony of putting this bone-spurred chickenhawk forward as an exemplary warrior, let’s skip to the advertisement which immediately follows it.
That ad touts the Girsan † MT 14 T, a .380 caliber semi-automatic pistol with a Tip-Up Barrel™—“The perfect handgun for concealed carry, especially for people that may have issues using a standard pistol.”
What would those issues be? Lacking the hand strength necessary to rack the slide back and chamber a round. In three photos labeled Lock, Load, and Fire, a pair of obviously geriatric hands demonstrate that even members of Fox News’s demographic can do their part to rid the nation of traitors.
* Note to urban dwellers: We are not making up this term to suit our immediate purposes. A manure fork is a specialized pitchfork with extra tines set closely together.
† Girsan is a Turkish private company. Beyond that we’ve been unable to learn who owns it. According to hurriyetdailynews.com, Turkey’s presidential security personnel—which had previously used Newington, N.H.-made Sig Sauer weapons—switched to Girsan and other Turkish-made weapons in October, 2017—five months after President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan’s bodyguards kicked and beat nine protestors in Washington, D.C.