Quite a fortnight. Under present circumstances, we expect them all to fall somewhere between weird and bizarre on the Spectrum of Strange. Yet—again, due to conditions beyond the normal parameters of reality—nowadays, as events unfold, they don’t just exceed expectations, they nearly defy possibility.
First we learned that the nation’s top national security officials didn’t just text top secret details of an attack on Yemen like a bunch of superannuated frat boys planning a kegger—we never expected any better of them—but they invited a member of the lugenpresse to follow along on a open source messaging system about as secure as the one in the cartoon at right.
You have to hand it to Republicans; in show biz lingo, they really commit to the bit.
First they gave the Houthis 40 enhanced opportunities to down U.S. planes, then they shrugged off the incident as no big deal. National Security Advisor Mike Waltz—the prime suspect for having invited Jeffrey Goldberg into the chat—still has the full confidence of the president. Defense Secretary and Randy “Macho Man” Savage understudy Pete Hegseth snarled an obligatory ‘so what’ to the press, saying, “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
The best response, though—which is to say, the worst response—came from the CIA’s Top Gun.
Sen. Jon Ossof: “This was a huge mistake, correct?”
Director John Ratcliffe: “No.”
Jaws across the country were still on the floor when New Hampshire’s own Ditzy Queen Karoline Leavitt pronounced “case closed.” As far as the administration was concerned, that was that. The only thing missing was Leslie Nielsen, waving his hands, saying, “Nothing to see here. Please disperse.”
Before all existing records of the 2016 presidential campaign get swallowed up by the Smithsonian’s newly-installed Memory Hole—there’s another whole Rant, right there—let us recall that Donald Trump rode his golf cart into the White House to a soundtrack of Sean Hannity endlessly repeating a monotonous word-salad about Hillary Clinton “acid-washing” an email server. Never mind that the Bush II regime had done much the same, to hear the GOP tell it, the appropriate punishment for a Democrat performing this treasonous act would have been drawing and quartering on the White House lawn.
And the fortnight was just getting started.
Last month the GOP slashed SNAP benefits. That was a twofer: Make Kids Hungry Again, and kick your constituents down on the farm right in the face. “Let them eat something from the food bank,” they said.
This month they cut funding for food banks by $1 billion. Cats show mice more mercy.
Speaking of the lack of mercy, we have arrived at the [police] state in which people are getting grabbed off the street and carried away. It’s not easy to know who’s doing the grabbing. Some grabbers wear masks, others do not. Those we’ve seen in videos appear to be wearing generic civvies. If this keeps up, we expect to see an increase in old-school kidnapping; why not, if the Feds are out there providing cover?
As for who’s getting grabbed, there can be little doubt; among the faithful followers of the regime, getting grabbed is prima facie evidence of guilt. If the regime was serious about this program, one would expect to see deportation numbers soaring. They are not. Trump has yet to meet Biden’s output on that front. Perhaps the true goal of all this grabbery is simply this: solidify the base by appealing to their basest instincts.
If that sounds far-fetched, consider these items from the regime’s to-do list:
The Department of Veterans Affairs is struggling to meet its obligations. Their proposed remedy: cut its budget by $181 million a year, and fire 83,000 workers—many of whom are veterans.
Some Americans really are struggling, though, so the president is considering the establishment of a “compensation fund” for the “peaceful” and “patriotic” former “hostages” who were jailed for attacking the Capitol on January 6th.
Another group deserving of federally-subsidized relief include the 0.1 percent of Americans whose fortunes top $28 million. A planned repeal of the estate tax ought to ease their suffering.
We had to wrap up this Rant before the Stable Genius delivered his Liberation Day oration. Fortunately he posted a preview on his own social media app, Bullshit Social. In it he vowed to “penalize Canada for the sale, into our country, of large amounts of Fentanyl, by Tariffing the value of this horrible and deadly drug… .”
Yes, because drug smugglers are known to be sticklers for obeying customs regulations.
Could sanity be a zero-sum game? As the cult and its leader lose it, voters in Wisconsin and Florida seem to be getting it. The Republican-gerrymandered Badger State may get a much-needed redistricting. The GOP retained two House seats in deepest-red Florida, but Democrats did shockingly well.
So, as ever, Nil Desperandum!