W.D. Ehrhart

Bayonet Etiquette

“You can get a lot done with a bayonet, but sitting on one is uncomfortable”– from Secondhand Time, Svetlana Alexievich I. Things you can do with a bayonet Kill people. Persuade people to do things they don’t want to do by threatening to kill them. Control unruly crowds by threatening to kill them. Control peaceful crowds by threatening to kill them. Control your wife by threatening to kill her. Rob a bank or convenience store by threatening to kill the clerk. Wave it in the air on your front porch or in your backyard to demonstrate your manliness. Eat peas with it (this one’s challenging). …

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Welcome to the Shooting Gallery

Welcome to the Shooting Gallery, folks, at the Great American Firearms Bazaar! Step right up and win your sweetheart a Kewpie doll! No background check required! No waiting period! Just plunk down your $$$$$, pick up a gun, and start blasting away! It’s easy! It’s fun! Guaranteed to win a prize every time! Just when we thought things were looking up—coronavirus vaccinations increasing by the week, Cadet Bone Spur relegated to Maybe-Lar-Gesse and facing dozens of law suits and maybe some criminal prosecutions too, a real president in the White House, and the crocuses and daffodils beginning to bloom—we get forcefully and depressingly reminded that …

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Will You Settle for Returning to Politics as Usual?

It took Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr., Commander-in-Chief #46, only about five weeks to start dropping bombs on other countries. And he’s decided that he’s not going to penalize Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman for ordering the brutal murder and dismembering of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi. And so I was very quickly reminded of why I voted for Uncle Joe: he’s not Cadet Bone Spur. It isn’t all bad, of course. Biden’s cabinet appointments have been nothing short of historic: a gay secretary of transportation, a Native American secretary of the interior, a Black secretary of defense, a secretary of education who’s actually …

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Insurrection: Are We Really Surprised?

by William Ehrhart Let’s review the facts. Our 45th President openly bragged about grabbing women by their genitals and declared that he could murder someone in broad daylight in Manhattan without consequences. He has paid hush money to prostitutes he was “screwing” (please substitute the F-bomb) even as his third wife was nursing their newborn child. Our 45th President has declared that he and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un “fell in love,” and that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin “is really very much of a leader,” while calling German chancellor Angela Merkel “stupid,” French President Emmanuel Macron “nasty,” and Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau “two-faced.” Our …

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The Democratic Party Has One Last Chance

by W.D. Ehrhart I have been feeling increasingly bleak and anxious ever since last March.  And these past couple of weeks, as the presidential election has loomed larger and larger, have left me almost dysfunctional. The thought of another four years of this Monster in the White House left me wallowing in the depths of despair because suicide is not a viable option, and I’m too old and not rich enough to emigrate to any country I’d be willing to spend my last years in, but I have felt that I could not endure another four years of this Monster.  Some of the fantasies I’ve …

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Why I’m Not Voting for Donald Trump

Just a few days ago, an e-mail acquaintance of mine sent me this: “Gotta admit I’m voting for Trump because I fear what happens if he loses. Who is Trump running against? I don’t think that Joe’s cognitive skills are up to the task. I think almost everything he says has been scripted for him. “Harris? I’m not even sure Joe picked her. Look at the horrible claims she made against him while she was still campaigning—and now they’re buds? I have to believe that powers behind the scenes have designs on how they’ll direct Joe on what his policies will be. If, for some …

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