The Fortnightly Rant

Our former—and perhaps our future—president, after being convicted of 34 felonies, submitted to an interview with his probation officer on Monday. Even Nixon was never made to do that. Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, “…there is no new thing under the sun.” Maybe the Bible is fallible after all. Who’s going to tell Samuel Alito, Mike Johnson, and the rest of the theocrat caucus? We can state with confidence that, in our 267 years, we have never before reported on a tossup presidential election in which one of the top candidates is an habitually bankrupt con artist bearing all the hallmarks of dementia, who has been seen …

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Well, this fortnight sure kicked off with a bang. The news was still breaking as our stalwart team of volunteers was distributing our paper of May 17th. The front page of the previous day’s New York Times had featured a photograph showing an upside-down U.S. flag flying outside the Alexandria, Virginia home of Samuel Alito. As the Flag Police can attest, lately the public has become largely inured to seeing the Stars and Stripes displayed in ways that violate the Flag Code. Seeing one hanging upside down, though, outside the crib of a Supreme Court Justice, was as unexpected as the Spanish Inquisition. The photo …

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By Norman Solomon If we condemn Hamas for its October 7th attacks in Israel, we’re not accused of anti-Arab bigotry. Nor should we be. Nothing could possibly justify the atrocities that Hamas committed against hundreds of civilians, who were the majority of the 1,200 people killed as a result of the attacks by Hamas forces. And nothing can justify the taking of civilian hostages. But if we condemn Israel for its actions since then, we might be accused of antisemitism. Meanwhile, nothing could possibly justify the atrocities by Israel in Gaza, where the death toll is now estimated at 32,000, while uncounted thousands of other …

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Our job, as we see it, is to summarize for our readers, as best we can, the most relevant events of the fortnight. To compensate for the relative modesty of our resources, we have tried to offer more than the typical ration of historical context. We have recently realized that our editorial judgment must henceforth be tempered by an additional consideration. Given the events of the past decade, existing trends, and their possible outcomes, is it even possible to accurately reflect the times without plunging our readership into despair and catatonia? Without further ado, let’s find out. It’s Good to be King The Miscreant-in-Chief has …

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Being ever disposed to find the good in less-than-optimal situations—how else did you think we’ve lasted this long?—we’re going to look for the bright side of the state of our justice system. [Several days later.] Hmmm…. The closest thing we’ve found is a firm conviction that our deepest suspicions had failed to plumb the depths of judicial depravity. More than three years ago we all watched a depraved megalomaniac and career criminal, who had somehow evaded the law long enough to take over a political party and then the White House, whip a mob into a frenzy and then direct it to overthrow the government—a …

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“The wheels of justice turn slowly, but grind exceedingly fine.” — Anon No newspaper could arrive at our advanced age without having a deep respect for tradition. By extension, then, the ancient bit of wisdom quoted above should help us calmly accept the pace of a certain trial in Manhattan. Alas, it does not. The case itself seems solid enough. But will the jury have time to find the defendant guilty? Or will his apparent mental deterioration result in a compassionate release, on grounds of advanced senility? The first day of the trial saw the accused—who calls the incumbent President “Sleepy Joe”—nodding off at the …

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