The Fortnightly Rant

Long ago, in the year 2020—because in times like these, two years can seem interminable—there was a minor flap because, for the first time in living memory, a major political party held a presidential nominating convention without bothering to write a new platform. Many will have forgotten all about that breach with tradition; these days they do die like mayflies. Instead, in what now seems a quaintly reality-based gesture, the GOP admitted that it had “significantly scaled back the size and scope of the 2020 Republican National Convention in Charlotte due to strict restrictions on gatherings and meetings, and out of concern for the safety …

Read moreNew GOP Platform: Old School Fascism

For most of Monday the word “railroad” was absent from the online front pages of the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the Boston Globe. Maybe all those editors were girding their loins, in preparation for whatever comes next. After all, if railroad workers go on strike, half the stories they publish will suddenly revolve around that mode of transportation. Finally it appeared, at the end of the day. President Biden called on Congress, wrote the Times, to “pass legislation to impose an agreement that his administration helped broker but that has failed to win the support of all the rail labor unions.” Earlier …

Read moreHelluva Way To Run A Railroad

It’s…interesting. The party which acts like it owns law and order—and does seem to own the courts—now has a leading candidate for the nation’s top job who is running for the White House to stay out of the Big House. Situations like that make it a challenge to treat the news with the seriousness it deserves. Then along comes a missile exploding in Poland and suddenly everyone on Twitter is pointing to NATO’s Article 5 and calculating the odds of a nuclear war with Russia. We exaggerate, of course. “Everyone on Twitter” amounts to more than 200 million people. They can’t all be debating the …

Read moreReality, By The Numbers

It’s an odd contradiction. From airplanes to zippers, we USAians* are quick to boast of our countrymen’s inventions. That eagerness is conspicuously absent, though, when it comes to one particular political innovation. This mystery becomes all the more curious when one considers that fascism is enjoying a worldwide revival. What’s that you say? It’s news to you that the U.S.A. played a central role in the development of fascism? Don’t feel bad. It was news to us, too. When you think about it, though, it’s no wonder we’re surprised. Will Rogers†—whose career just happened to be in full flourish simultaneous with fascism’s first wave, despite …

Read moreA Little Inconvenient History

Time is the essence—the very foundation—of the news racket. Just think: were it not for time, when would things happen? And if nothing ever happened, what would journalists write about? We suppose that such thoughts must occur from time to time to those who toil in other news organizations. Perhaps, though, with their frenzied schedules—weeklies, for example, or, in extreme cases, dailies—they simply don’t have time. Thanks to our fortnightly schedule, our national seniority, and the recent commencement of our 267th volume, we have the time, the license, and, we believe, the responsibility to always keep such considerations in our thoughts. Having thus defended the …

Read moreIs Our Time Up?

What a great time to be alive—assuming, of course, that you’re a Republican. But, then, of course you are. Aren’t we all? Isn’t everybody? Why wouldn’t you be a Republican? What are you, then? A criminal? An alien? Some kind of Godless, alien, criminal, drug-pushing, baby-blood drinking lizard person? Well, we should hope not. There, now that that’s settled, let us rejoice in our good fortune—which is, of course, a sign of God’s favor. He is, after all, a Republican, right? Of course God is a Republican. If He—that is His pronoun, by the way. We asked Him, and He answered—were not a Republican, why …

Read moreIs Democracy Done Yet?