One Nation Under a Golden Calf

Super Tuesday gave voters just what everyone expected: a general election almost no one wants. Vermont was the only state whose Republicans rejected the GOP’s inevitable nominee. We can expect any day now to be hearing spurious tales about health hazards associated with maple syrup produced by illegal Cuban migrant workers on Communist communes. In another outlying result, Nikki Haley trounced the former president in Washington, D.C. over the weekend, by a margin of nearly two-to-one. In doing so she handed her opponent a win, if he should choose to accept it: “I wouldn’t take those 19 delegates if they came crawling out of The …

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Hate Means Never Having to Admit You’re Wrong

It was a stunningly predictable revelation: those $5 million bribes we’ve been hearing about for years? The bribes from Burisma that went to the “Biden crime family”? The bribes Republicans say are the reason why Biden needs to be impeached? Yeah, those bribes were just a fantasy, cooked up by a guy with a wardrobe full of flammable trousers, who has just been arrested by the FBI. In a more perfect world, one might think that the indictment of star informant Alexander “Hot Pants” Smirnov might cause Republicans, and their cheerleaders at Fox, One America News, and, on the radio, Rush Limbaugh’s pale replacements Clay …

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Eagle Pass: the New Fort Sumter?

Had we known where things were headed, we might have set out with a better plan. It did not seem unduly ambitious: distill each passing fortnight into a comprehensible rant. Now, here we are, like Wile E. Coyote: covered with bandages, explosive residue, and chagrin. Looking back it’s easy to see that this plan was doomed to failure. The warning signs were clear enough. Newt Gingrich’s GOPAC memo defined the battleground in 1990: Language: A Key Mechanism of Control—the Communist Manifesto of the resurgent reactionary right. “To victory, through the shameless debasement of language!” Hobbled by corporate demands for “balance” [i.e., profit], respectable media refused …

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Is Anybody Happy?

Well, at least that’s over with. By “that,” of course, we mean the 2024 First in the Nation™ Presidential Primary Election®*—the least satisfying iteration to date of our state’s raison d’être. The nightmare, no doubt, will continue. How weird was this go-’round? Let us count the ways. On the Democratic side, the incumbent President won. So far, so normal—except he wasn’t on the ballot. Four years ago, New Hampshire Democrats picked Bernie Sanders and put Joe Biden in fifth place, just ahead of the long-forgotten Tom Steyer. A big win in South Carolina rescued his candidacy and put him on the path to the White …

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Is There a Script Doctor in the House?

We blame screens. Think about it: how many of today’s problems began with, or are made worse by, people gaping at screens? As with so many things—automobiles, for example—the dire eventual consequences were not evident at first. Now they are so ubiquitous that eliminating them all would be impossible. Just imagine the disruption that would entail. But, given the level of chaos we’re already experiencing, and likelihood that more is coming, it certainly won’t hurt to at least assess this problem. In accordance with our conservative tendencies, we shall begin at the beginning, namely, the Dutch Republic in 1659. Two years after inventing the pendulum …

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Hope-ey New Year… ?

What a predicament. With only a few hours left in this year, there’s no way it can be salvaged. What’s done is done. And look what’s coming! Based on past performance, what are the odds of getting through this coming year intact? [Intact? You call our current state of affairs intact? That’s a laugh!] It’s not easy, being the last freestanding print publication with the freedom to face reality with the blinders off. We’re not complaining, mind you. We volunteered for this job. Hell, we stole this job. [Long story, no room for it here.] We’re just pointing out that it’s a challenge. How does …

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