Suicide Note
To the Editor: I think this self-quarantine stuff is getting to me. I was so depressed last night thinking about social isolation, the economy, wars, jobs, Trump, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, nuclear disaster, global warming, and the future of printed news, that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was feeling suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. But they hung up on me when I told them my license had been revoked for a DUI. William Daniel Philadelphia, Penn.