Volume 270 | No. 22

2024—The International Court of Justice rules that Israel must vacate Palestinian territories. The U.S. and Israel say, in effect, “Make me.” 2020—“I’ll be right eventually,” says Dolt #45. “I’ll say it again. [Covid’s] going to disappear, and I’ll be right.” 2011—As Rupert Murdoch is being grilled before Parliament about phone-hacking, his wife Wendi deflects a flying pie aimed at his head. 2010—Terrified by a malignly-edited YouTube clip, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack has USDA employee Shirley Sherrod pulled over by the side of the road and summarily fired. 2001—Lord Jeffrey Archer, Deputy Chair of the Conservative Party, is sentenced to four years for perjury. 1994—Dining with …

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1985—Doped up after cancer surgery five days earlier, Ronald Reagan OKs an arms-for-hostages deal with Iran. 1984—James O. Huberty tells his wife he’s “going to hunt humans,” then kills 21 and wounds 19 at a San Diego McDonald’s. A sniper gets him. His widow sues Mickey D’s for poisoning his mind with MSG, but to no avail. 1972—A sailor disables the USS Ranger for three months by dropping a paint scraper into its reduction gears. 1969—Senator Ted Kennedy gives Mary Jo Kopechne a ride part of the way home from a party, goes for a swim, then takes a nap. 1946—Because he voted the day …

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2020—Asked if he’ll concede if he loses, #45 says “I’ll have to see.” 2015—Portsmouth cops grill Mike Thiel at his office about a letter in which he complains about helicopters. 2014—Detained for selling loose cigarettes, Eric Garner, 43, suffocates as he tells NYPD cops, “I can’t breathe.” 1979—Anastasio Somoza flees Nicaragua for Miami, bringing family caskets and much of the national treasury. 1965—An American press officer in Saigon tells Morley Safer “if you think any American official is going to tell you the truth, then you’re stupid.” 1962—The U.S. conducts its last near-ground atmospheric nuke test: the .018 kiloton “Little Feller.” A company of soldiers …

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2018—V. Putin gets Dolt #45 alone in a room for two hours in Helsinki. 2013—Jimmy Carter says, “America has no functioning democracy.” 1991—The Trump Taj Mahal files for bankruptcy 467 days after opening. 1979—A dam, badly built on shaky ground, collapses in Church Rock, N.M. It spills 1,100 tons of radioactive mill waste, 93 million gallons of effluent, releasing as much radioactivity as the Three Mile Island meltdown. 1973—Nixon aide Al Butterfield reveals he’s been bugging the Oval Office at the behest of The Man himself. 1964—A white cop shoots James Powell—15, 112 lbs., and Black—dead. The Harlem riots begin. 1945—The Atomic Age starts with …

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1995—A derecho sends hurricane force winds through New York and New England, toppling thousands of trees and killing three people. 1979—President Carter delivers his infamous “malaise” speech, which does not include the word “malaise.” 1974—In Florida, on live TV, newsreader Christine Chubbuck pulls a loaded pistol from a shopping bag and shoots herself dead. 1971—Nixon says he’ll go to China. 1964—The Republican Party saddles itself with candidate Barry Goldwater. 1919—The War Department—accurately named, at least—says 337,000 Americans dodged the recent draft. 1877—John W. Garrett, President of the B & O Railroad, gives his shareholders a 10 percent dividend and his workers a 10 percent pay …

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2004—The GOP tries to ban gay marriage but can’t rise to the occasion. 2000—Five tobacco companies are ordered to pay $145 billion in damages, but they wiggle off the hook. 1989—Alabama tries twice, 19 minutes apart, to electrocute Horace F. Dunkins, who’s Black and developmentally-disabled. The first try fails because the chair is wired wrong. 1981—New Hampshire businessman Max Hugel’s stint as Deputy Director of Operations at the CIA ends after 64 days due to revelations of unseemly stock market shenanigans. 1975—Boss Clarence Kelley confesses to Congress that the FBI has been burglarizing Americans since 1940. 1970—R. Nixon approves the Huston plan to burgle and …

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