Saturday, June 6, 2009—We celebrate the 65th Aniversary of D-Day by introducing our new method of bridging the gap between our newsprint edition and these here Intertubes. It is now possible for you to read our paper in your web browser. (We’ll continue posting links to download whole pdfs, too. Here’s the 3.5 MB pdf for this issue.) Click on a thumbnail, and you will get a larger version of the page. Click again on that image, and you will get an even larger, quite readable image. The quoted texts to the left of the thumbnails are taken from that page.
“As the administration authorized harsh interrogation in April and May of 2002 — well before the Justice Department had rendered any legal opinion — its principal priority for intelligence was not aimed at pre-empting another terrorist attack on the U.S. but discovering a smoking gun linking Iraq and al Qaeda.”
This passage, along with a host of other well-known facts, leads almost inescapably to the conclusion that Vice President Dick “Still Dick” Cheney†* and his flock of pet chickenhawks tortured several hundred people, killing at least fifty of them in the process, to “prove” things that weren’t true, and strengthen the false argument that America must either invade Iraq, or put its own survival at risk. The success of Cheney’s scheme led to the deaths of more than four thousand Americans and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, reduced the nation’s international reputation to ruins, and hastened us along the road to bankruptcy.
Photo caption: Local author Dan Brown rented the Music Hall last Saturday to host an intimate little private gathering for 600 of his closest friends and family. Scores of potted trees turned Chestnut Street into a Druidic grove, watched over by a demonic hell-hound. Brown’s new film, Angels & Demons, was screened as part of the entertainment. According to media reports, the film includes scenes of Cardinals of the Catholic Church being tortured and murdered. But despite these provocations, there were no angry demonstrations by local clergy, nor were any vengeful thunderbolts hurled from above. Could this be a sign that we’re entering a new era of forbearance?
Photo caption: The shattered remains of the building it demolished having been hauled away, an excavating machine rests on the tidied-up site that once was home to the Pier II restaurant, and to Jimmy Canty’s Fisherman’s Pier before that. The developers of the property, having triumphed in a decade-long struggle with public opinion, local boards, and the state’s Department of Environmental Services, will now proceed to build luxury condos, aka “affordable housing for millionaires,” on the site. The public’s access to, and view of the river, will soon be history. We once asked the late Joe Frost what he thought should be done with the site. “Strawberries” was all he said.
From William Marvel’s column, “Northcountry Chronicle:”
At the deliberative portion of our town meeting a member of our budget committee remarked, by way of illustration, that he didn’t think there was anyone in the audience without a cell phone. A gadgetmonger like him (or perhaps the word is “techie”) might be excused for making that particular generalization, but it was not the only mistaken assumption he uttered during that evening. I’ve never owned a cell phone, and I hope that I’ll never have to.
From Rodman Philbrock’s review of the moving picture Angels & Demons:The Seacoast area has more writers than you can shake a bad check at — they seem to be under every moldy rock and manuscript — but the only homegrown, still-living-among-us talent to conquer the international bestseller lists for years at a time is novelist Dan Brown, of The Da Vinci Code fame. Eighty million copies in print and still finding new readers. Those who haven’t tried their hand at composing a thriller may think it’s merely a matter of filling pages with an intrepid hero, a gorgeous sidekick, and lots of exotic locales. Think again. Of all the genres, thrillers are probably the toughest to carry off, and successful thrillers about intriguing puzzles — Mr. Brown’s specialty — are at least as rare as genuine literary classics. His stories may not meet the compositional requirements of the Iowa Writers Workshop, but with puzzle thrillers it’s less about perfecting a prose style than finding a way to shift the narrative into overdrive while somehow not losing focus on the ideas that unfold, generating the plot.
From our “Hate Mail, Mash Notes, & Other Correspondence Department:”
Chickenhawks and Torture
To the Editor:
It is well known that bullies are afraid of being beaten up. That’s why they beat up on younger, smaller kids. Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh exhibit the same kind of braggadocio as they advocate torturing people under U.S. custody who are bound, gagged and hooded.
We’ve heard from experienced CIA agents that torture doesn’t provide actionable intelligence; it only elicits what the torturer wants to hear. We’ve heard from political scientists that torture helps terrorists recruit new terrorists. We’ve heard from clergy and, listening to our own hearts, that torture blemishes our country’s moral character, rendering us undistinguishable from the bad guys.
More from our “Hate Mail, Mash Notes, & Other Correspondence Department:”
Yes, Ma’am!
To the Editor:
It seems that most of your rag consists of news articles denouncing Republican shenanigans and heated letters bloviating about Republican outrages, to the point where it makes me wonder if the alleged editor is the secret identity of Keith Olbermann. (Faster than a speeding rumor! Able to leap tall tales at a single bound!) I have only one more thing to say to you, SIR! Please renew my subscription. Regards,
Cynthia Yabut
Albuquerque, NM
From Admiral Fowle’s Piscataqua River Tidal Guide:
2007—Dale Rippy, a 62 year-old Florida resident, is attacked by a rabid 25-pound bobcat. Rippy, a Vietnam veteran, strangles the bobcat with his bare hands.
1971—About 450 people, most of them Vietnam veterans, are arrested during an anti-war protest on Lexington Green.
1937—Police attack striking workers at Republic Steel in Chicago, hospitalizing 55, wounding 30 more, and killing 10.
1912—Two companies of Marines are shipped to Nicaragua “to protect American interests.”
1909—The National Conference on the Negro convenes, leading to the formation of the NAACP.
1904—During a doubleheader, Frank Chance gets hit five times by pitches.
Thank you for sending me subscription while I was incarcerated at North Central Correctional in Marion, Ohio.