It is hard to believe—but then, what isn’t these days?
Just two weeks ago we were marveling in this space about petty little things like the loosey-goosey antics of our so-called national security community. Already we are nostalgic for those simpler, less stressful times.
Now, the MAG-Apocalypse is here. It began on Liberation Day, April 2nd. “Liberation” may seem an odd word to use while introducing blanket restrictions on global trade, but the Vatican had dibs on “The Annunciation.” Speaking of infallibility, Wikipedia says the “announcement of the order marked the beginning of a global trade war and triggered a global stock market crash.”
The Rose Garden event was modestly characterized by the guy who cooked it up as “one of the most important days in American history.” That was quickly proven to be true—even a blind pig can find a truffle once in a while—but not in a good way.
The alleged president’s catastrophic frontal assault on the global economy demands attention. After all, it will have an effect on the general ability of run-of-the-mill humans to obtain such trifles as food, potable water, and shelter from the elements. Those luxuries are all on the table now, and subject to the will of the elusive and unindictable “invisible hand of the market,” formerly known, we suspect, as the Golden Calf.
We must be brief though. Important though it is, a possible global depression is not the only current event demanding our attention.
We paid closer than usual attention to the New York Stock Exchange on Monday, April 7th, when the consequences of the new tariff regime began to truly sink in.
It was the third straight trading day of cratering prices. The Dow immediately lost about 1,100 points.
At 10:15, right wing yakker Erick Erickson tweeted, “Trump considering a 90 day pause in tariffs. Markets going up.” The Dow shot back up on this reported sighting of sanity.
Whoops! The White House’s New Hampshire-born spokes-Barbie told CNBC that the first glimmer of good news to emerge during from Trump’s second term was, in fact, “fake news.” The Dow dove again.
Whoa! Simultaneous with Erickson’s erroneous tweet, the guy who started the global trade war fired off a tweet of his own. Incensed that China had done exactly as any sane person would have predicted, and imposed retaliatory tariffs, our so-called president got in touch with his inner spoiled four-year-old brat, bumped up tariffs on China by another 50 percent, and shut down trade talks with the Celestial Kingdom.
To those across the country expressing their shock and dismay, the erstwhile leader of the free world tweeted this reassurance: “…Don’t be Weak! Don’t be Stupid!… .”
That was last week. Now it’s all ancient history. This past Wednesday, a USA Today headline read, “White House’s 245% tariff figure for some Chinese products causes confusion.” Yeah, no kidding. Cynics noted that the market gyrations provided a perfect opportunity for insider trading.
Exciting as it it, the pending collapse of the global economy isn’t the only show in town. Remember, we’re still operating under the Bannon doctrine. “The zone”—which by now has apparently come to include every inhabited hectare of Earth’s surface, as well as those atmospheric heights above them, attainable only by space-brained billionaires—has been duly “flooded with [digestive byproduct].”
Civil liberties, voting rights, public health, education, racial justice, environmental protection… it’s impossible to list everything under attack from the brown shirts. It would be easier to say what has escaped their attention, if only we could come up with an example. Two things in particular, though, cry out for denunciation.
The president’s Diet Coke button is back. The walls and fireplace of the Oval Office have been tarted up with a bunch of gold-plated doodads. He has set the stage for his next great exploit: establishing his right to kidnap U.S. citizens and deport them to foreign prisons.
Meanwhile, his ketamine-loving sidekick Musk has been busy. His cybersnoops have been tinkering with Social Security’s computers, and, according to a whistleblower, pilfering data from the National Labor Relations Board. Could be quite useful, for a union-buster.
When we began reporting on this country it comprised thirteen disparate colonies. We continued as they banded together under the Articles of Confederation. We published the arguments which led to the adoption of the Constitution. Through Civil War, foreign adventure, and the rise to world dominance, we have followed its progress.
We are now clearly going in the opposite direction, and at a frightening speed. Where once we looked to the Federalist Papers, nowadays the relevant tomes seem to be Looney Tunes scripts by Chuck Jones, particularly those featuring Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner.
What shall we do? What else can we do? Just keep on keeping on, with a wary eye trained upward for any falling safes branded “Acme.”