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2004—George W.[MD] Bush nominates a new Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales—who goes on to make his predecessor John Ashcroft look slightly less terrible by comparison. 1982—The Vietnam Veterans Memorial, a gift to the nation from those it had shunned, opens in Washington, D.C. 1975—The ore carrier Edmund Fitzgerald sinks on Lake Superior, taking with her a crew of 29. 1973—In Drake, N.D. the school board fires a teacher and burns the book he assigned, Slaughterhouse Five. 1972—Anti-police brutality activist Louis Moore, threatened with bogus charges by Detroit police, tries a radical remedy: skyjacking a DC-9 out of Birmingham, Ala. A two-day, nine-stop odyssey ends in a …

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1998—Brokers who rigged the game at NASDAQ  are compelled to pay their bilked customers $1 billion. 1989—The Berlin Wall suddenly becomes unexpectedly porous. 1979—Zbigniew Brzezinski gets a call: “250 nuclear missiles incoming!” Then another: “Make that 2,000!” A third says, [Gilda voice.] “Never mind.” 1977—William C. Sullivan, former Hoover hatchet man who once predicted he’d be murdered in a faked accident, is accidentally shot by a fellow hunter in Sugar Hill, N.H. 1969—Indians land on Alcatraz. Some are removed by the Coast Guard, others stay overnight. 1965—One power plant in Ontario fails, the whole Northeast goes dark. 1953—Dylan Thomas dies in New York at 39, …

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2016—Donald J. Trump wins the Presidency. Everybody else is a loser. 2013—Naval Intelligence boss Ted “Twig” Branch has his security clearance lifted. He can’t do his job, but the Navy leaves him in it. 2010—On TV, George W.[MD] Bush says his mom once asked him for a ride to the hospital, displaying a jar with a miscarried sibling in it. 2000—At 2:16 a.m., Fox News “reporter” John Ellis calls Fla. in favor of his cousin, George W.[MD] Bush. 1994—The GOP, led by serial philanderer Newt Gingrich, take Congress. 1965—Dorothy Kilgallen’s investigation into JFK’s assassination ends due to an allegedly accidental overdose. 1954—Ike writes his brother …

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2020—The Wall Street Journal runs an op-ed by Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney under the headline, “If he loses, Trump will concede gracefully.” 2020—Dolt 45’s cracked legal team holds a press conference at the Four Seasons…Total Landscaping garage. 2007—Private Jessica Lynch accuses the Pentagon of exploiting her capture for propaganda purposes. 1983—The all-woman Armed Resistance Movement bombs the U.S. Capitol; $1 million in damage results. 1961—Under Sec. of State George Ball warns JFK, “Within five years, we’ll have 300,000 men in the paddies and jungles and you’ll never find them again.” JFK tells Ball he’s “crazier than hell. That just isn’t going to happen.” 1957—Ike …

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