The Alleged News®

Before everyone forgets, we want to devote just a little space here to memorializing for the record the blessed state of relative calm which has graced this nation in the wake of the “de-platforming”of what had until recently been the nation’s primary source of discordant inanity. Future generations, presuming that any actually come into existence, may have to think for a moment before they understand just what is meant by the above. We who have just lived through it will have no such problem. Someone ought to crank out some t-shirts: “I survived four years of despotism-by-tweet!” No, they probably wouldn’t sell—who would want to …

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The day before MAGA Insurrectionists bashed their way into the Capitol building—murdering a cop in the process—a curious posting appeared on the website of their Führer, whitehouse.gov: “Antifa activists have brutally attacked our law-abiding friends, neighbors, and business owners, and destroyed historic landmarks that our communities have cherished for decades. This violence and lawlessness has no place in the United States and will be called out for the domestic terrorism that it is. Today, President Donald J. Trump signed a memorandum to ensure that Federal officials assess actions of Antifa activists in light of Federal laws that restrict the entry of aliens associated with terrorist …

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Groups Call for More Democratic Constitution on Anniversary of Bill of Rights Ratification On the anniversary of the 1791 ratification of the Bill of Rights, two pro-democracy human rights groups, Democracy Unlimited and Move to Amend, are calling for mass public participation to envision a more just and democratic U.S. Constitution. Toward a People’s Constitution is a website [www.PeoplesConstitution.US] launched last week to provide an inclusive and participatory arena for a respectful, vigorous and strategic discussion to create an authentic people’s constitution. The effort is based on the growing realization that many of the current major crises our nation is facing—inadequacy of providing basic human …

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The staff of the Marketplace Morning Report usually tries to make the economy interesting. It’s not easy. The subject of the show, which airs weekdays on NHPR, is famously nicknamed “the dismal science.” On December 8th, though, we wonder if they soft-pedaled the story, for fear of insurrection. It often seems that that day’s topic—income inequality—has been beaten to death by now. In abstract terms, it has. Percentages, changes over time, blah blah blah. A little dismal science can go a long way towards combatting insomnia. This time, though, an interesting character decided to ask the right question the right way. Early in his career, …

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President Humpty Dumpty Trumpty had a Great Fall. Some people have said it was the greatest fall of all time. No one has ever seen anything like it. In fact, there may never again be anything like it—because we might not survive this one. The last we heard, President Humpty Dumpty Trumpty retained full authority to demand the nuclear football, right along with his next bag full of Big Macs.® If we were in a comic strip, the joke would be on the angry, overweight, overgrown child. Alas, we’re not; the joke is on us. For all his vain posturing, the real Michael Richard Pence …

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We ought to be inured by now to this recurring political cycle. After all, it’s been going on for nearly a century. Even our legendary level of ironic distance, though, fails to provide an adequate level of psychic insulation. In short, this is too damn much. We cannot put a stop to it, but, by god, we can describe it. One party forces the country to accept some dubious policy choice. This choice is invariably made in service to Moloch, or capitalism, or whatever you want to call the human face of concentrated financial power. By its failure—which was, more likely than not, predicted by …

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