The Alleged News®

An unrelenting barrage of distressing news can be bad for the digestion. We have therefore prepared the following bit of good news as an apertif. Human tests may soon begin on a new technology designed to help people with paralysis regain independence through the control of computers and mobile devices. Specifically, this new device will enhance the ability of paralyzed people to “communicate more easily via text or speech synthesis, to follow their curiosity on the web, or to express their creativity through photography, art, or writing apps.” That’s just the beginning. According to Neuralink, “As our technology develops, we will be able to increase …

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Only now, after running this operation for a third of a century, do we begin to doubt the wisdom of snatching back this newspaper from its previous operators. It looked to be such fun: no corporate bosses censoring us, no timid advertisers inhibiting us—to the best of our meager abilities, we’d be free to write the news as it actually happens—a rare opportunity. That’s great, right? Uh…have you heard what’s going on out there…? Things are so scary we’re tempted to reach for the Thesaurus in search of a few comforting euphemisms; but, we forbear. [Cue the portenteous sound effects.] This fortnight finds the world …

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Letting the Cat Out of the Bag “What did you tell that man just now?” “I told him to hurry.” “What right do you have to tell him to hurry?” “I pay him to hurry.” “How much do you pay him?” “Four dollars a day.” “Where do you get the money?” “I sell products.” “Who makes the products?” “He does.” “How many products does he make in a day?” “Ten dollars worth.” “Then, instead of you paying him, he pays you $6 a day to stand around and tell him to hurry.” “Well, but I own the machines.” “How did you get the machines?” “Sold …

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by Thomas Meisenhelder The recurring mantra from Fox, the Republican Party and the mainstream media is that Joe Biden, government spending, and the rising incomes of ordinary people are responsible for our increasing inflation rate. That is incorrect and this error is preventing an effective national response to inflation. This misconception about inflation leads to policy errors similar to those made in response to the 2008 housing mortgage crisis and economic recession. Somehow the media and the politicians understood that crisis to be the result of unwise decisions by consumers and overly generous government housing policies. In other words, ordinary Americans were the problem. As …

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Tuesday, November 30: “So today we learn: 1) Omicron was circulating in The Netherlands at least a week before the travel bans; 2) Omicron was found in Germany in someone with no travel history and no contact with travelers. Travel bans are pointless; the variant is already in community transmission.” – Geoffrey York, Africa correspondent for The Globe and Mail (Canada). The Delta variant was bad enough. After banging around Britain for a while, it inevitably showed up here in New Hampshire, where, were it not for Michigan, we’d have the highest 7-day rolling average of new cases in the nation. Thank you, business-friendly Governor …

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