Volume 265 | No. 22

2019—President Trump makes a phone call to Ukraine President Vladimir Zelenskey. It’s “perfect.” 2000—In a touching display of naiveté, George W.[MD] Bush announces that he has picked Dick “Dick” Cheney as running mate. 1990—Ambassador April Glaspie tells Saddam the U.S. won’t take sides in an Iraq-Kuwait border dispute. 1975—Chester Plummer, Jr., a Black ’Nam vet with a three-foot pipe in his hand, becomes the first person shot dead on the White House lawn. 1972—AP: The U.S. used Black men as guinea pigs for 40 years. 1969—Sen. Ted Kennedy gets two months (suspended) for leaving the scene of a fatal accident. 1965—Bob Dylan outrages the Newport …

Read more

2014—Arizona authorities experimenting with new poisons find Joseph Wood’s execution takes 12 times longer than the expected 10 minutes. 2001—Bank robber Gary Sampson calls the FBI to turn himself in, but a clerk disconnects him. Over the next week he murders three people, including a man in New Hampshire. 1970—The last clash between the U.S. & NVA ends in futility: the 101st Airborne evacuates Firebase Ripcord. Cost: 75 KIAs & 463 WIAs. 1967—Cops raid a blind pig in Detroit, interrupting a welcome home party for two Vietnam veterans. A five day riot ensues, and 43 die. 1966—Don Wetzel, 82, Research Director for the N.Y. Central, …

Read more

2003—Ratted out by a cousin for a $30 million reward, Uday and Qusay Hussein are shot dead by the 101st. 2001—“I know what I believe,” says G.W.[MD] Bush. “I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right.” 1991—Milwaukee police arrest Jeffrey Dahmer, infamous cannibal. 1975—Owen J. Quinn parachutes from the top of the South Tower of New York’s World Trade Center. 1974—On the steps of the Capitol, 600 young Moonies begin a three-day fast and prayer-fest for Richard Nixon. 1946—Irgun bombs the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, killing 91. 1934—Chicago FBI agents kill John Dillinger by …

Read more

2007—George W.[MD] Bush invokes the 25th Amendment, making Dick “Dick” Cheney President while Bush gets his colon inspected. 2000—Long-time Texas voter Dick “Dick” Cheney registers in Wyoming to skirt a Constitutional proviso. 2000—The FBI and ATF are exonerated for killing 80 religious fanatics during a 1993 siege in Waco, Texas. 1954—As the Geneva Accords free Vietnam from French colonial rule, the U.S. steps in to preserve disorder. 1951—A Canadian Pacific DC-4 leaves Vancouver for Anchorage with 37 on board and disappears. 1950—Bungling drunkard John C. Woods, the U.S. Army’s hangman, electrocutes himself while attempting to repair some electrical equipment. 1919—The dirigible Wingfoot Air Express, on …

Read more

2017—Secretary of State Tillerson states the obvious to other Administration officials: Trump is “a moron.” 2002—The FBI arrests three former NASA interns for stealing a 600 lb. safe holding moon rocks. 1984—Famed runner and fitness fanatic Jim Fixx, 52, dies of a heart attack while jogging. 1973—Martial artist and fitness fanatic Bruce Lee, 32, drops dead. 1971—William F. Buckley’s National Review publishes what it claims are secret documents about the Vietnam War. They’re fake, and he knows it. 1969—Neil Armstrong goes for a walk—on the moon. 1956—A scheduled election intended to reunify Vietnam is blocked by the South, with Ike’s concurrence. 1948—Harry Truman kicks off …

Read more

2020—“I’ll be right eventually,” says Dolt #45. “I’ll say it again. It’s going to disappear, and I’ll be right.” 2011—As her husband Rupert is being grilled before Parliament about phone-hacking, his wife Wendi deflects a flying pie aimed at his head. 2010—Terrified by a malignly-edited YouTube clip, Sec. of Ag. Tom Vilsack has USDA employee Shirley Sherrod pulled over by the side of the road and summarily fired. 2001—Lord Jeffrey Archer, Deputy Chair of the Conservative Party, is sentenced to four years for perjury. 1994—Dining with reporters, Sen. Howell Heflin (D-Ala.) reaches into his pocket for a hankie but somehow wipes his nose with a …

Read more