Volume 270 | No. 4

2020—“What is the downside for humoring him…?” a “senior Republican official” asks the Washington Post. “It’s not like he’s plotting how to prevent Joe Biden from taking power.” 1998—Brokers who rigged the game at NASDAQ  are compelled to pay their bilked customers $1 billion. 1989—TheBerlin Wall suddenly becomes unexpectedly porous. 1979—Zbigniew Brzezinski gets a call: “250 nuclear missiles incoming!” Then another: “Make that 2,000!” A third says, [Gilda voice.] “Never mind.” 1977—William C. Sullivan, former Hoover hatchet man who once predicted he’d be murdered in a faked accident, is accidentally shot by a fellow hunter in Sugar Hill, N.H. 1969—Indians land on Alcatraz. Some are …

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2016—Donald J. Trump wins the Presidency. Everybody else is a loser. 2013—The Navy lifts Ted “Twig” Branch’s clearance, so he can’t read secrets anymore, but leaves him in his job as head of Naval Intelligence. 2010—On TV, George W.[MD] Bush says his mom once asked him for a ride to the hospital, showing him a miscarried sibling in a jar. 2000—At 2:16 a.m., Fox News “reporter” John Ellis calls Fla. in favor of his cousin, George W.[MD] Bush. 1994—The GOP, led by serial philanderer Newt Gingrich, take Congress. 1965—Dorothy Kilgallen’s investigation into JFK’s assassination ends due to an allegedly accidental overdose. 1954—Ike writes his brother …

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2020—The Wall Street Journal runs an op-ed by Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney under the headline, “If he loses, Trump will concede gracefully.” 2020—Dolt 45’s cracked legal team holds a press conference at the Four Seasons…Total Landscaping garage. 2007—Private Jessica Lynch accuses the Pentagon of exploiting her capture for propaganda purposes. 2000—Mel Carnahan defeats incumbent Sen. John Ashcroft [R-Mo.], despite being three weeks dead. 1961—Under Sec. of State George Ball warns JFK, “Within five years, we’ll have 300,000 men in the paddies and jungles and you’ll never find them again.” JFK tells Ball he’s “crazier than hell. That just isn’t going to happen.” 1957—Ike tells …

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2024—Trump cultists gloat that Project 2025—of which he’s been claiming ignorance—“is the agenda. Lol.” 2018—Nevada’s 36th district elects brothel-owner Dennis Hoff to the State Assembly by a huge margin. He’s been dead for three weeks. 2016—FBI Director James Comey says never mind about those emails. 2012—Trump tweets, “The electoral college is a disaster for a democracy.” 2000—Saddam Hussein stops accepting dollars for oil, thus undermining U.S. hegemony and possibly shortening his own life. 1998—Newt Gingrich says he’s resigning as Speaker of the House because he’s “not willing to preside over people who are cannibals.” 1984—Reagan defeats Mondale—it’s mourning in America. 1971—The AEC detonates a 5-megaton …

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2024—Democrats somehow manage to lose the White House to a felonious nutjob who once tried to steal it. 1986—In a hijacked helicopter, ’Nam vet Ron McIntosh springs his girl from the prison he recently escaped. 1974—In New Hampshire, Louis C. Wyman gets 355 more votes than John Durkin. It ain’t over yet, though; 317 days later, Durkin’s a U.S. Senator. 1964—A loaded KC-97 crashes on takeoff at Pease: five crewmen die. 1949—Daily churchgoer and deranged WW II veteran Howard Unruh (1921—2009) shoots 16 people, killing 13, in Camden, N.J. 1943—A fascist pilot bombs the Holy See, trying to silence Vatican Radio. 1935—After buying the anti-capitalist …

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2016—“Calm down,” reads the headline over a Washington Post column, “We’ll be fine no matter who wins.” 2008—Barack Obama wins, sparing the nation from Sarah Palin. 1988—“John Nada,” [Roddy Piper], comes to chew bubblegum and kick ass; and he’s all out of bubblegum. 1979—Militant Shi’ite Muslims take 66 Americans hostage in Teheran, dooming the Carter administration. 1975—A neocon cabal reshuffles the Ford cabinet for him. Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Bush take over. 1960—In Dallas, a vicious “Mink Coat Mob” angrily confronts Lyndon and Lady Bird Johnson. Revulsion at its tactics cost Nixon Texas. 1958—A U.S. B-47 bomber carrying nukes crashes near Abilene, Texas. High explosives detonate. …

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