Sun, Feb 8

2020—Given a choice between a second term for Trump or “a giant meteor [striking] the earth, extinguishing all human life,” a poll says 62% of N.H. Democrats would prefer the meteor. 2015—Another two feet of snow fall on Portsmouth. It’s five feet deep now. 1996—The Telecommunications Act gives corporations airwaves worth $70 billion, eliminates ownership limits, deregulates cable rates, and protects licenses against citizen complaints. 1968—State Troopers fire on Black protestors in Orangeburg, S.C., killing three and wounding 27. 1946—For taking down a sign about Jim Crow laws in a Bessemer, Ala. bus, honorably discharged former Marine Timothy Hood is shot by a streetcar conductor. …

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Sat, Feb 7

2013—Mississippi abolishes slavery. 1998—GOP-run Congress names Washington National after the guy who fired all our air traffic controllers. 1991—The IRA drops a 140 lb. mortar round behind 10 Downing St. 1982—At Newark Airport, Ellen Kaplan, 5’4,” asks Henry Kissinger if he sleeps with young boys. Nancy Kissinger, 6′, grabs her by the neck and asks, “Do you want to get slugged?” 1968—“It became necessary to destroy [the Vietnamese village of Ben Tre] in order to save it,” an American major tells reporter Peter Arnett. 1965—VC attack Camp Holloway near Pleiku killing 9 Americans and wounding 137. The U.S. responds by bombing North Vietnam. 1951—In Korea, …

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Not Many Regard Him as Innocent

Edward E. Carlton, the husband of Mrs. Etta M. Carlton, who was brutally murdered in her house at Watertown, Mass., in March, 1883, died in Texas a few weeks ago from injuries received by falling from a railroad train. Carlton hung around Boston for a year after his wife’s murder, until he succeeded in collecting a $5,000 insurance on her life. He was able to prove that he had no hand in the actual killing of his wife, but there are probably not many persons who regard him as innocent of the crime. • Senator [Charles W.] Jones [Democrat] of Florida has been absent from …

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Yay! More Hate Mail!

Dear Yo-Yo’s [sic]: I just thought I’d write you to check if you are aware that to reproduce a magazine cover w/o that magazine’s permission is illegal, and that if, on top of everything else, that cover is a BOGUS one you are REALLY in trouble? Sincerely, Mr. Bernardo Figuerado Gonic, N.H. Dear Mr. Bernardo: Once again we are overcome with gratitude: the Bard of Gonic deigns to enlighten us once again. It’s an honor and a thrill. Unfortunately our joy is tainted by the necessity of informing you that you are once—no, make that twice—again wrong. The First Amendment gives us the right to …

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Going, Going… ?

It’s true. It’s all true. A police state is being built before our eyes. Peaceful people are being shot dead on the streets. The highest ranking* guy in the Executive Branch has sent a squad of his own private cops, formerly known as the FBI, to Fulton County, Georgia, to confiscate 700 boxes of damning evidence†—ballots, voter rolls, and tabulator tapes. The pattern is clear: seize power and end our democratic experiment—perversely, on the 250th Anniversary of its birth. Yet, we are buoyantly optimistic. What could explain such a paradoxical state of mind? Perhaps the item in question has finally been lost. Hear us out, …

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Volume 270, No. 11

Rest easy, America. It may seem like we’re headed for the rocks, but we’ve got the President’s own mind and sense of morality to protect us. What could possibly go wrong? To read our latest issue, just give this link a click.