The Fortnightly Rant

Well, isn’t this is a fine kettle of toxic waste? One day after our previous issue hit the streets, the Middle East explodes. The Gulf Stream is getting weaker faster than anyone had predicted, even as Antarctic ice is hitting scary new record lows. The world demands action, and it isn’t exactly waiting for us to get our act together. Closer to home, the debt ceiling is steadily creeping up on us—yet again. Freddy Krueger and Lucy van Pelt have nothing on this predictable bogosity. Will Congress act? No, it can’t, because they have no Speaker. The only way this gets more absurd is if …

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Republicans just threw out their own Speaker of the House. He had committed an unpardonable sin: he had worked with Democrats to keep the government running. Kevin McCarthy’s defenestration on Monday is a shocking event, even in this bizarre political climate. He is the first Speaker ever thrown out in the middle of his term. And this is not just any old term. No, we’re on the brink of a government shutdown. If Congress cannot pass a budget, in a matter of weeks the rest of the government will begin to grind to a halt. This territory is all too familiar, of course. It’s enough …

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Recently it was reported that the Defense Department had asked the Rand Corporation to determine if “Individuals who hold or held a security clearance and handled classified material could become a security threat if they develop dementia and unwittingly share government secrets.” Yet another example of Pentagon waste. We could and would have answered that question for lunch money: “Yes.” Here’s the answer which probably cost taxpayers $640,000: “Considering the potential consequences of an inadvertent security breach stemming from cognitive impairment, we believe that further study of risk, recognition, and mitigation strategies is important.” * The narrowness of the question is what bothers us. What …

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Last year, the fossil fuel industry that is destroying our planet received $7 trillion in subsidies. No, that figure is not coming from the Socialist Workers Party, Greenpeace, or the Sierra Club. It comes from a report that was issued last month by those radical rascals at the International Monetary Fund [IMF]. You know—the UN agency founded in Bretton Woods, New Hampshire in 1945 to “foster global monetary cooperation, secure financial stability, facilitate international trade, promote high employment and sustainable economic growth, and reduce poverty around the world” after the tumult of WW II. Large sums are notoriously difficult for ordinary mortals to comprehend. To …

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Oh, woe is us. Whatever shall we do? The first 2024 Republican Presidential Debate is scheduled to begin at 9:00 p.m. tonight, and our deadline falls before that! Heavens to Murgatroyd—how will we ever manage this? Oh, yeah, that’s right: we’re supported by local, independent advertisers, and by subscribers. We need not concern ourselves with the stodgy expectations of advertising reps for national corporate behemoths.  As for our alleged peers in the news racket, the Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ does not follow the example of others—it sets the example. So there. Having freed ourselves from any perceived obligation to pretend anything substantial is likely to come …

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Ron DeSantis—the only sitting governor known to have both committed torture* and gotten married at Disneyland—rampaged through the Granite State recently.  Can we say rampaged? After careful consideration, yes, we can. Other candidates—normal candidates—campaign. When you try to drum up support by threatening to slit the throats of federal workers, rampage is actually a euphemism. DiSantis volunteered this insight into his management style at a July 30th barbeque held in Rye, just down the road apiece: “On bureaucracy, you know, we’re going to have all these deep state people, you know, we’re going to start slitting throats on Day One and be ready to go.”  …

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