Portsmouth

Final Update; 9:00 p.m. — Inside the Portsmouth High School gym, undercover Moslem terrorist Barack Hussein Obama outlined his plan for reforming Americas health care system by increasing efficiency and eliminating billions in needless subsidies for insurance companies, while improving care for all, then gave thoughtful and lucid answers to a broad array of questions Meanwhile, outside the gym, this mild-mannered patriotic American conveyed a certain lack of enthusiasm for his proposals: Update; 3:15 p.m. — MSNBC displays its quaint naivete about the laws of the state of New Hampshire, as a resident lives out the true meaning of the libertarian creed: what’s the point …

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Portsmouth, Monday, August 10, 2009 — Barack Obama, the crazed Kenyan terrorist who was sworn in as President by the traitorous Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts, terrorized senior citizens and two pigeons Saturday afternoon, in preparation for the Town Hall meeting on health care to be held at Portsmouth Public High School tomorrow. Obama, a Muslim, personally flew Marine One over Keefe House, home to 58 members of The Greatest Generation™, to intimidate the occupants and dissuade them from appearing Tuesday. Either that, or he was searching for alternative routes of egress, in case his sinister plot to euthanize the Town Hall audience goes …

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009 – We have been just alerted by disguntled reader Dave Rynne that we are about to be exposed on the Sean Hannity show. So that any listeners to Hannity’s show who may visit this site may know what Dave’s complaining about, we have prepared the following clipping from our July 17 paper. We’d like to thank Dave for letting us know about his intention to get on Hannity’s show, giving us a chance to provide this visual aid. We’re behind in posting here. We’ll try to catch up soon. Addendum: For the record, Sean Hannity was 21 years old when the …

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Monday, July 6, 2009 — After a month of clouds and rain, and eight years of executive lunacy, yesterday Portsmouth’s own Leftist Marching Band got to usher in a new weather pattern and a new year for the nation. The Hannity School of Political Philosophy would no doubt argue that this ragtag mob only taught itself to play You’re a Grand Old Flag and America the Beautiful in order to be better prepared to bring the nation to its knees. In savage mimicry of Fox “News,” we’ll present the evidence, and let the viewer determine the LMB’s intent, as well as the response of the …

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Saturday, July 4, 2009 — Happy 233rd to the unfailingly weird old America. Having just bashed out another fortnightly issue of the Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™, we’ll just toss up this little slice of life from old, weird Po’town, and take the rest of the day off. Earlier today, responding to a tip from our faithful distribution volunteer Adam Williams, we caught up with Dave Rynne, who had stationed himself in front of the North Church to do his best to alert the rest of us to the threat posed to the nation by the current occupant of the White House. Two tipoffs: Obama was not …

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009—Portsmouth celebrated Memorial Day yesterday. As it has been for at least six out of the last ten years, the weather was superb. (It was partly cloudy in 2000. For 2001, 2003, and 2005 we have no data.) Our Wandering Cinematographer caught the Portsmouth Middle School and High Schol Marching Bands, and Jack Kimball’s comments at the close of his New Hampshire Patriots’ Rally. We could be wrong about this — Mr. Kimball will no doubt think so — but it appeared to us that his Rally wasn’t so much about Honoring the Fallen, which was obviously being well taken care of …

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