Volume 267 | No. 22

2014—Arizona authorities experimenting with new poisons find Joseph Wood’s execution takes 12 times longer than the expected 10 minutes. 2001—Bank robber Gary Sampson calls the FBI to turn himself in, but a clerk disconnects him. Over the next week he murders three people, including a man in New Hampshire. 1970—The last clash between the U.S. & NVA ends in futility: the 101st Airborne evacuates Firebase Ripcord. Cost: 75 KIAs & 463 WIAs. 1967—Cops raid a blind pig in Detroit, interrupting a welcome home party for two Vietnam veterans. A five day riot ensues, and 43 die. 1966—Don Wetzel, 82, Research Director for the N.Y. Central, …

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2003—Ratted out by a cousin for a $30 million reward, Uday and Qusay Hussein are shot dead by the 101st. 2001—“I know what I believe,” says G.W.[MD] Bush. “I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right.” 1991—Milwaukee police arrest Jeffrey Dahmer, infamous cannibal. 1975—Owen J. Quinn parachutes from the top of the South Tower of New York’s World Trade Center. 1974—On the steps of the Capitol, 600 young Moonies begin a three-day fast and prayer-fest for Richard Nixon. 1946—Irgun bombs the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, killing 91. 1934—Chicago FBI agents kill John Dillinger by …

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2007—George W.[MD] Bush invokes the 25th Amendment, making Dick “Dick” Cheney President while Bush gets his colon inspected. 2000—Long-time Texas voter Dick “Dick” Cheney registers in Wyoming to dodge a Constitutional proviso. 2000—The FBI and ATF are exonerated for killing 80 religious fanatics during a 1993 siege in Waco, Texas. 1954—As the Geneva Accords free Vietnam from French colonial rule, the U.S. steps in to preserve disorder. 1950—Bungling drunkard John C. Woods, the U.S. Army’s hangman, electrocutes himself while attempting to repair some electrical equipment. 1919—The dirigible Wingfoot Air Express, on fire, crashes through the glass skylight of a Chicago bank, killing 13. 1919—With the …

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2017—Secretary of State Tillerson states the obvious to other Administration officials: Trump is “a moron.” 2002—The FBI arrests three former NASA interns for stealing a 600 lb. safe holding moon rocks. 1984—Famed runner and fitness fanatic Jim Fixx dies of a heart attack while jogging at the ripe old age of 52. 1973—Martial artist and fitness fanatic Bruce Lee drops dead at 32. 1971—William F. Buckley’s National Review publishes what it claims are secret documents about the Vietnam War. They’re fake, and he knows it. 1969—Neil Armstrong goes for a walk—on the moon. 1956—A scheduled election intended to reunify Vietnam is blocked by the South, …

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2020—“I’ll be right eventually,” says Dolt #45. “I’ll say it again. [Covid’s] going to disappear, and I’ll be right.” 2011—As her husband Rupert is being grilled before Parliament about phone-hacking, his wife Wendi deflects a flying pie aimed at his head. 2010—Terrified by a malignly-edited YouTube clip, Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack has USDA employee Shirley Sherrod pulled over by the side of the road and summarily fired. 2001—Lord Jeffrey Archer, Deputy Chair of the Conservative Party, is sentenced to four years for perjury. 1994—Dining with reporters, Sen. Howell Heflin (D-Ala.) reaches into his pocket for a hankie but somehow wipes his nose with a pair …

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1985—Doped up after cancer surgery five days earlier, Ronald Reagan OKs an arms-for-hostages deal with Iran. 1984—James O. Huberty tells his wife he’s “going to hunt humans,” then kills 21 and wounds 19 at a San Diego McDonald’s. A sniper gets him. His widow sues Mickey D’s for poisoning his mind with MSG, but to no avail. 1981—Norman Mailer’s protege Jack Abbott, on work release after a stretch for robbery and manslaughter, fatally stabs a waiter in the East Village. 1972—A sailor disables the U.S.S. Ranger for three months by dropping a paint scraper into its reduction gears. 1969—Senator Ted Kennedy gives Mary Jo Kopechne …

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