Volume 265 | No. 16

2011—After outliving the Administration of G.W.[MD] Bush, Osama bin Laden is whacked by its successor. 2006—With stereotypical inefficiency, state workers in Lucasville, Ohio jab Joseph Clark 19 times over 86 minutes to kill him by lethal injection[s]. 2003—Richard Perle, its architect, writes that the Iraq War “ended without the Arab world rising up against us, as the war’s critics feared, without the quagmire they predicted, without the heavy losses in house-to-house fighting they warned us to expect.” 1972—The good die young; J. Edgar Hoover does it at 77. 1971—The U.S. Government reneges on its permit, calls in the 82nd Airborne, arrests 12,600 protestors, and packs …

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2003—G.W.[MD] Bush says “major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” U.S. death toll so far: 140. 1999—The New Hampshire Gazette resumes regular (fortnightly) publication in Portsmouth. 1989—“Bill” Gardner, Secretary of State for Life, assigns rights to the trade name New Hampshire Gazette to a collateral descendant of the founder. 1977—Seabrook: 1,414 Clams busted. 1975—Tom Polgar sends CIA’s last cable from Saigon: “…we have lost.…Let us hope…that we have learned our lesson. Saigon signing off.” 1970—U.S. troops join ARVN soldiers in the Cambodian “Incursion.” 1960—Russian missiles bring down a U-2 piloted by the CIA’s Gary Powers. 1955—To supplant Harding’s failed “Americanization Day,” Ike proclaims an equally-doomed …

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1993—The first website goes online. 1977—The Clamshell Alliance assembles at Seabrook to fight the nuke. 1975—Saigon falls. 1973—Rabid Nixon supporter Rev. Sun Myung Moon gets a green card. 1973—Announcing their resignations, Richard Nixon calls felons-to-be John D. Ehrlichman and H.R. Haldeman “two of the finest public servants I have ever known.” 1971—Medal of Honor recipient Dwight H. Johnson is shot to death while robbing a Detroit grocery store. 1966—Rep. Melvin Laird (R-Wisc.) says that the problem with Vietnam is “an administration that fails to inform the people fully and frankly about the objectives and progress of the war.” 1961—Leonid I. Rogozov, the sole doctor at …

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2014—Despite nine tries, Okla. prison officials miss Clayton Lockett’s veins; the poison goes into muscle. Without enough left to kill, they discuss options as he writhes. He ends their debate by dying of a heart attack. 2006—During the Correspondents Dinner, Stephen Colbert performs the first autopsy of a sitting President. 2004—The Commission “investigat­ing” 9/11 allows George W.[MD] Bush and Dick “Dick” Cheney to “testify” without taking an oath. 1992—A mostly-white jury in Simi Valley finds L.A. police not guilty of assaulting Rodney King. Soldiers and Marines end the rioting six days later. 1975—As helicopters begin evacuating Saigon, Marines Charles McMahon and Darwin Judge become the …

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2011—During a speech in Las Vegas, Donald Trump drops about seven f-bombs, promising to tell the Chinese, “listen you mother______s, we’re going to tax you 25 percent.” 2006—Rush Limbaugh’s lawyers announce that their fine work will keep their dope-addled client out of prison. 2004—The SEC says banks can risk more money and keep less on hand. 2004—Frank Lautenberg [D-N.J.] says on the floor of the Senate, “We know who the chickenhawks are. They talk tough on national defense and military issues…but when it was their turn to serve, they were AWOL.” 1988—Aloha Airlines 737 develops a 20 foot hole in its fuselage; stewardess Clarabelle Lansing …

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2017—“This is more work than my previous life,” whines Dolt #45. “I thought it would be easier.” 2016—Calling Sen. Ted Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh,” former Speaker John Boehner tells Stanford students he “never worked with a more miserable son-of-a-bitch in my life.” 2011—On the worst day of the largest tornado outbreak in history, 324 people are killed from Texas to Ontario. 1994—In South Africa, ex-prisoner Nelson Mandela is elected President. 1986—Protesting high rates for dish owners, John R. “Captain Midnight” MacDougall hijacks HBO’s satellite. 1978—A cooling tower being hastily built at Willow Island, W.Va. by N.J.-based Research-Cottrell collapses, killing 51 construction workers. The company …

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