Which Side Are They On?

This will sound crazy but the day may come when we’re grateful that Ginni Thomas was once the spouse of a Supreme Court Justice. That feeling of gratitude would be contingent, of course, on certain further developments. First, there would have to be an appropriate public response to the bizarre recent revelations about the Thomases. At a bare minimum these would include Congressional hearings, with all their officious folderol, preferably expedited, and culminating in the resignation of Justice Clarence Thomas. Ideally, this action would be followed by an appropriate form of chastisement for having trod upon his ethical obligations. If we seem premature in this …

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A Sermon From the Printer’s Devil

Brethren and sisteren, &c., we take our text today from Twitter, the Book of @KateAronoff, Chapter 3/15: “one sign of a thriving democracy is that a coal baron elected by less than 300,000 people gets to take a sledgehammer to everything.” We are shocked—shocked—our own selves to see these disparaging words on the screen before us. They appear, it would seem, of their own volition, in spite of our intention to inscribe on these pages only the most wholesome advises and dispatches, suitable for all readers. We can only have been possessed—possessed by the Printer’s Devil.* With 265 years of tradition driving us, though, go …

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Choosing Exceptionalism

Considering our history, it was probably inevitable that a significant part of the public would be so vehement in their declarations of our purported greatness. This nation is certainly great in its extent, covering as it does some 3,796,742 square miles. Of that total exactly 2.3 percent has been set aside for the descendants of the original inhabitants to call their own. Most of the rest was taken from them by force, chicanery, or both. No matter what one may think when contemplating these numbers, and regardless of how they might make one feel, “that’s the way it is,” as Walter Cronkite used to say. …

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The Radical Wrecking Crew

Focus groups have determined that when given a choice, people prefer hearing about lost puppies being found to staring into an existential abyss. Oh, well…here we go again, anyway. Pardon us while we state the obvious. While we’re at it, let’s print something that’s not even news: ordinary Americans haven’t been screwed this hard since Herbert Hoover was President. A couple of recent tweets can sum it up as well as anything we could write: Kimberly Nicole Foster [@KimberlyNFoster]: “it’s wild that ‘unskilled’ labor is the labor that society literally collapses without.” Andrew Lawrence [@ndrew_lawrence]: “What if the reason kids are depressed is [because] they …

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Sleepwalking Into Fascism

Another fortnight, another resounding “Thunk,” as Uncle Sam’s top-hatted noggin slams into yet another landing during his violent and interminable descent down the endless staircase leading to democracy’s crypt. Did he fall? Or was he pushed? Oh, please. We are the nation’s last living exemplar of a truly free press. Do not expect us to mimic our corporate competition by pretending to be even stupider than we actually are. Following the incoherent barking of their malevolent leader, the members of Cult #45 have volunteered enough of their warm if not necessarily sapient bodies to give the Covid-19 virus the opportunity to develop a new mutation …

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The Cure For What Ails Us?

Readers, are you tired of the bitter bickering, constant conflict, and demeaning dialogue that pass for public discourse these days? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be? The only thing on which Americans can agree is that other Americans are far too disagreeable.* Well, good news, everyone, we’ve got the perfect solution! Here’s how it works. Let’s say the neighborhood arsonist strolls up your driveway with a gas can in his hand. He’s eying your garage in a manner that seems suspicious. Ordinarily, you might be tempted to come down off your porch with a pipe wrench in your hand, telling him in no uncertain …

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