Digital Issues (PDFs)

It is easy to see how a reasonable person keeping up with the news might conclude that the people in charge of this country are hell bent on destroying it. Either that, or we’ve been underestimating the destructive power of collaborative incompetence. Whichever it is, it’s distressing as hell.

We, however, have gone to considerable effort to put ourselves in a position which obliges us to read and write about what more and more looks like the dissolution and degradation of a flawed but promising attempt by a bunch of evolutionary flukes to govern themselves.

Normal persons grappling with such a task might be tempted to go the sackcloth and ashes route. Futile though our task may be, we’re determined not only to keep on publishing, but to do so without giving in to despair, or even losing our sense of humor.

You may click here to see how we’re doing with that.

How bad is it? So bad we’re betting we don’t need to define “it.”

“It” is everything you can think of, and a whole lot more that you never thought required your attention, all of it being intentionally made worse by a horde of trolls and cretins who should never have been given power over anything more dangerous than a marshmallow.

Things have gotten so rotten that, for this fortnight, anyway, we’re dropping our ritual pretense of detachment to make a suggestion.

You can read about it by clicking on this link right here.

Because we are so fortunate as to not yet have been thrown into some stinking cell for an imaginary crime existing solely in the misfiring mind of a puffed-up grifter who only retains power through the avarice and cowardice of a slew of reprehensible flunkies, we decided to celebrate by doing what we love best: putting out yet another newspaper.

You can read it by clicking on this link right here.

Another fortnight, another no-show from truth, justice, and the American Way.

Like our favorite forgotten Founding Father, we hold monarchy in contempt as a form of government.

Here’s what Thomas Paine had to say about William the Conqueror, who ruled England after the Battle of Hastings in 1066: “A French bastard landing with an armed Banditti and establishing himself king of England against the consent of the natives, is in plain terms a very paltry rascally original.”

Despite our antipathy towards all things regal, in this issue we had a kind word for one of King Billy’s predecessors.

Strange times, indeed. To learn what has come over us, just give this link a click.

Well, the nation appears to have survived the Fourth, provided one overlooks the cage match on the White House lawn and the arrest of an Olympian for interfering with the swampy Reflecting Pool.

But the trap just set by the so-called Justice Department, to ensnare and terrorize honest election officials, makes us wonder if our democratic republic will survive Election Day.

A digital facsimile of our latest issue is available here and now. Just give this link a click.

With the 250th Anniversary of the Glorious Fourth just over a week away, we meditate on the generally-ignored conspiracy which led to the Declaration. Tricorns off for William Hogeland, whose Declaration [Simon & Schuster, 2010] so brilliantly brought the plot to our attention.

For that and a whole lot more, just give this link a click.

For those of us used to living and working in the home of the First in the Nation™ Presidential Primary Election,® it’s a little disorienting: the whole country is suddenly focused on a single election, and it’s over on the other side of the river.

What could have caused Maine Democrats to nominate an ogre for Senate? Maybe they listened to what he was saying, rather than what people were saying about him.

To see the latest iteration of a newspaper so old that it reported on the American Revolution, just give this link a click.

We are not so delusional as to think that The Greatest President Ever is aware of our existence. And we are certainly not members of the charmed circle of intimates for whom he will do unseemly favors. Nevertheless, though inadvertently, he did us a favor recently.

Usually it takes a bit of thought to pick a topic for the rant. Let it be known, though, there’s a $1,766,666,666 slush fund for traitors, and that question is done and dusted.

To read about that, and other some shenanigans, just give this link a click.

Here in our newsroom, every fortnight is a brain marathon. Our editor, a lazy person at heart, generally scrimps well enough on energy expenditure to post at least some of the latest paper’s content before throwing in the towel.

This fortnight a petty but ill-timed calamity involving credit card numbers, PINs, passwords—the usual rigamarole, now resolved—took that last bit of energy and set it alight, like a gas flare at an oil well. All those BTUs, gone for nothing…

Ah, well. Such is life in this collapsing empire. We’ll be posting those parts tomorrow. As our longtime readers know, breaking news is not our bailiwick.

Besides, the whole issue is available in pdf. To read it just give this link a click.