2017—After D.J. Trump gives his “American Carnage” speech, George W.[MD] Bush says to Hillary Clinton, “Well, that was some weird shit.”
2009—“If I ever run for President,” says Donald Trump, “please shoot me.”
2009—The GOP’s top Members of Congress gather to plot against the newly-inaugurated President.
2009—Swearing in President Obama off the top of his head, Chief Justice John Roberts blows his lines.
2005—J.P. Morgan Chase admits two banks it swallowed had taken enslaved people as collateral years before.
1981—As per arrangement with the GOP, Iran releases 52 U.S. hostages.
1981—Awakened at 9:00 a.m. and reminded that he’ll soon be inaugurated, Ronald Reagan asks, “Does that mean I have to get up?” He will go on to trade arms for hostages, bankroll the future al-Qaeda, rob Social Security, and triple the national debt.
1953—Ike blurs the line between church and state by beginning his inaugural speech with a prayer.
1944—Against advice from subordinates, Gen. Mark Clark orders two regiments of the 36th to cross the Gari River in Italy. They’re slaughtered.
1936—England’s King George V is euthanized with an injection of cocaine and morphine, timed so his death could be reported in the more-dignified morning newspapers, rather than the evening rags. His last words are, “God damn you.”