2018—U.S. President #45 says, “If [George Washington] was smart, he would’ve put his name on [Mount Vernon]. You’ve got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you.”
2017—Proud papa Dennis Dickey, a U.S. Border Patrol agent in Arizona, reveals the gender of his pending progeny by firing a gun at an explosive target surrounded by dry grass. The resultant fire burns 70 square miles.
1993—RIP Cesar Chavez.
1971—National Security Advisor Henry Kissinger, speaking over the phone with Allen Ginsberg, agrees to meet personally but draws the line at doing so naked on live TV.
1971—Concluding Operation Dewey Canyon III, “a limited incursion into the country of Congress,” Vietnam Veterans Against the War heave medals over a fence at the Capitol.
1956—The USSR proudly announces it’s now got its own hydrogen bomb.
1952—“Do you know who’s being discriminated against?” asks Rep. John E. Rankin [D-Miss.]. “The white Christian people of America, the ones who created this nation.”
1734—The King’s Surveyor General visits Exeter, N.H. with a team of men, looking for misappropriated timber. Locals beat them mercilessly.
1014—The Irish under High King Brian Boru defeat the Vikings at Clontarf. Boru is slain by Brodir, who in turn is disembowelled by Brian’s brother, Ulf the Quarrelsome.